FURTHER FOOLISHNESS

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STEPHEN LEACOCK

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Further Foolishness
First published in 1916
ISBN 978-1-62013-877-9
Duke Classics
© 2014 Duke Classics and its licensors. All rights reserved.

While every effort has been used to ensure the accuracy and reliability of the information contained in this edition, Duke Classics does not assume liability or responsibility for any errors or omissions in this book. Duke Classics does not accept responsibility for loss suffered as a result of reliance upon the accuracy or currency of information contained in this book.

Contents

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Preface
FOLLIES IN FICTION
I - Stories Shorter Still
II - Snoopopaths; or, Fifty Stories in One
III - Foreign Fiction in Imported Instalments
MOVIES AND MOTORS, MEN AND WOMEN
IV - Madeline of the Movies: A Photoplay Done Back into Words
V - The Call of the Carburettor, or, Mr. Blinks and His Friends
VI - The Two Sexes in Fives or Sixes a Dinner-Party Study
VII - The Grass Bachelor's Guide with Sincere Apologies to the Ladies' Periodicals
VIII - Every Man and His Friends Mr. Crunch's Portrait Gallery
IX - More than Twice-Told Tales; or, Every Man His Own Hero
X - A Study in Still Life—My Tailor
PEACE, WAR, AND POLITICS
XI - Germany from Within Out
XII - Abdul Aziz Has His
XIII - In Merry Mexico
XIV - Over the Grape Juice; or, the Peacemakers
XV - The White House from Without In
TIMID THOUGHTS ON TIMELY TOPICS
XVI - Are the Rich Happy?
XVII - Humour as I See It

Preface

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Many years ago when I was a boy at school, we had over our class an ancient and spectacled schoolmaster who was as kind at heart as he was ferocious in appearance, and whose memory has suggested to me the title of this book.

It was his practice, on any outburst of gaiety in the class-room, to chase us to our seats with a bamboo cane and to shout at us in defiance:

Now, then, any further foolishness?

I find by experience that there are quite a number of indulgent readers who are good enough to adopt the same expectant attitude towards me now.

STEPHEN LEACOCK
McGILL UNIVERSITY
MONTREAL
November 1, 1916

FOLLIES IN FICTION

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I - Stories Shorter Still

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Among the latest follies in fiction is the perpetual demand for stories shorter and shorter still. The only thing to do is to meet this demand at the source and check it. Any of the stories below, if left to soak overnight in a barrel of rainwater, will swell to the dimensions of a dollar-fifty novel.

(I) AN IRREDUCIBLE DETECTIVE STORY

HANGED BY A HAIR

OR A MURDER MYSTERY MINIMISED

The mystery had now reached its climax. First, the man had been undoubtedly murdered. Secondly, it was absolutely certain that no conceivable person had done it.

It was therefore time to call in the great detective.

He gave one searching glance at the corpse. In a moment he whipped out a microscope.

"Ha! ha!" he said, as he picked a hair off the lapel of the dead man's coat. "The mystery is now solved."

He held up the hair.