Dipped, but only across town with F not to Germany with her to live near her same-age dad yet, me 11 or 12, lil sis 9 or 10, playing the game we played upstairs where one ball, one of those poof-y dodgeball type balls, and two goals, the doorframe end of the hallway to downstairs one goal, and the door opposite, to Mom and Dad’s now just Mom’s room the other, the rules Get the ball into one doorway, one point, and into the other hallway, for the other, also one point, first to ten or whatever. Throw it if ya wanted but if blocked/deflected the other had it, so mostly us running it bulldozing past running-back style, laughing our asses off hysterical bc how dumb the game but also how fun.

Lil sis lately doing a cheating thing since I always won, was getting stronger getting first sprouts of hair down there my body doing new things it hadn’t before, hers not doing different things yet I didn’t think, but she’d just corral the ball lay atop it not even trying to get it past since even if she wouldn’t get it past me, wouldn’t win, if I never got it I wouldn’t either, laughing in stitches sitting on it squishing it like an egg protecting warming it so it’d one day hatch, prolonging the game in a stalemate she dictated the length of, only I didn’t have time to waste, I had free throws to shoot the NBA to make balling to ball out on to show Dad he done fucked up played hisself dipping like he did.

Funny at first, lil sis splayed like a turtle on the ball goin You can’t get it you can’t get it, how it pivoted the whole logic of how games worked, how they only worked if ya tried to win, only I still wanted to win wanted to play the game so once it got un-funny I dug my claws all up in there tryna pry it out only she’d turn block me from whatever side I entered, laughing more going Nope, nope, you can’t get it, till next thing I’m on top of her tryna pin her down hold her still tryna pry it while smushing her, all of me smushing against her so focused on the ball on the goal not even realizing the change till finally she musta noticed bc she went Ow ow, Seanie, I can’t breathe you’re hurting me, I give up, releasing the ball.

Coming up outta that lizard brain feral mode like out of a half-sleep dream both of us panting red-faced only then realizing my body had done the thing it had been doing, smushing directly into her, she getting up straightening out her hair her clothes looking at me strange unfamiliarly like I had changed like something in me had bc something had.

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