Still didn’t interact with anyone besides the roomie and those who approached me—in the corner, on the couch—but began conducting myself in a more and more performative way.

Not performing for anyone.

Just aware of being watched.

Laughing more.

Once the bean kicked in I started wilding.

Flirting up a storm.

Up and off the couch.

Roaming.

No one was off-limits.

Anyone could get it.

Whispered into peripheral bae’s ear “We both know we both want it. Have wanted it. Tonight’s the night. Tonight you can get it.”

Then winked and backed away, into a crowd.

Told ex-roomie bae’s out-of-town, pretty-boy bestie “No you’re right, I guess I don’t know until I’ve tried it. So what are you gonna do to try me?”

Went up to unfamiliar bae, in the middle of a convo, and corralled her into my dancing vortex when “Starboy” came on for the umpteenth time.

Went “Ayyy, college!” when ex-roomie bro said “Her?! She’s still in college, bro!” after I asked him if he knew unfamiliar bae and, if so, what her deal was.

Side bae was less than impressed.

Cornered me in the packed kitchen, by the drink station.

Said You need to focus.

Gestured circularly in her face area.

On this.

On me.

Then put her hand on her hip and cocked her head like And? What do you have to say to that?

Oh side bae.

Side bae, she was a grown-ass woman.

Had two years on me.

Sexy when she told me what to do.

She knew what she wanted, and how to make known her terms and conditions.

Thing was, that was only the half.

I knew what I wanted. I’d made known my terms and conditions.

But getting them…

“Hahaaa, ayyy, woah,” I said.

“Whattaya want from me, bae?” I said.

“Skiddly doot pop?” I said, handling her hips, touching groins, and smelling her all over—neck, pits, tummy.

Side bae said: “Dance floor.”

Grabbed my wrist and led me two rooms over, through a crowd, to the front room.

To the dance floor.

Danced with a coy pout on her face, directed towards me until I gave her my full attention; then away from me once I did, but dancing for me, wanting me to watch; and then towards me again when she noticed I wasn’t watching.

Confusing.

Sexy!

But confusing.

I couldn’t stay focused.

So many baes.

Too many feelings.

Multidirectional feelings.

And never enough to fill the hole inside.

Got ensnared in unfamiliar bae’s dance vortex.

Got sent spiraling her way.

Wasn’t two two-steps in when I felt myself yanked another way.

Side bae pulled me into a corner. Hard.

Harder than she meant to, maybe, because immediately after she went small again.

She’d initiated it; but somehow, I felt like the dominant one.

Like she wanted me to be the dominant one.

Like she was testing me.