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Chapters (51)
  1. Cover
  2. Book Title Page
  3. Copyright
  4. Dedication
  5. Epigraph
  6. Winter
  7. POSTMATE
  8. SUSBOY
  9. SHAWN
  10. HORSE RIDER
  11. SIDE BAE
  12. BROKE BOI
  13. Spring
  14. EDITOR BAE
  15. SEYMOUR
  16. ICED-OUT HOMIE
  17. EX BAE
  18. ROOMIE BRO
  19. LIL B
  20. Summer
  21. MRA
  22. OUTDOOR DUDE
  23. HETERO BRO
  24. LIL BRO
  25. LIL SIS
  26. BIG LEAF
  27. Fall
  28. X
  29. THE OLE MAN
  30. SCHOOLBOY
  31. RYDEN
  32. BALLBOY
  33. THE MA
  34. Winter
  35. WEE LAD
  36. NURSE DADDY
  37. GAL PAL
  38. BOSS MAN
  39. NEW LEAF
  40. CANE GUY
  41. Spring
  42. PRODUCE BRO
  43. AUTONOMOUS BAE
  44. FLOWER BOY
  45. Summer
  46. OLD HEAD
  47. Philly in the Time of FUCCBOI
  48. Works Cited
  49. Discover More
  50. Acknowledgments
  51. About the Author

Did end up shattering my driver-side mirror backing out too close to the driveway-side tree—it had grown, apparently, since I’d last trimmed it back. But managed to find enough mirror shards, in the dirt, by head-lamplight, to reaffix with moving tape so I could see.

E texted Bring all the tools you got.

I had an impact driver. A bit set. A tape. Gloves.

On the road, after blowing my last almost-hundo on gas, by 3.

•

The jobsite was this spot the Gaylord National Resort & Convention Center. On the Potomac, south of DC.

From the Google Maps image, U.S. government–related, seemingly.

Got led along this weird stretch, on the final leg, by the FBI or Homeland Security HQs that had all these signs restricting exiting without clearance.

No shoulders, no lane-switching.

Gas gauge tweaking, tryna blend my U.S. Air Force utility box van with expired California plates in with pre-dawn, rush-hour, U.S. government traffic.

Keyed tf up off gas station coffee, blasting X on the Bluetooth.

Pillared awning with a white-gloved doorman, upon arrival, who directed me where to park.

E had told me 6 a.m. It was 6:05.

But he’d worked till 3 that morning, I’d later learn. They’d gotten delayed waiting for the National Youth Division Cheerleading Competition to wrap in the event space our job was in.

He picked up his phone at 6:20.

Elaborately pile-woven-carpeted hallway leading into a circular balcony overlooking a central, all-glass, arched atrium. Huge fountain in the middle.

Wall-encompassing oil paintings of dead presidents all over.

Winding, ornamented staircases leading up to conference rooms and event spaces at the end of the hall, past the check-in desk.

“We’ll drop your shit later, we’re already late,” E said, handing me an extra room key.

“Yo—is there anywhere I could grab a Clif Bar or something?”

“Oh right. Let’s eat first.”

“Also—unless we get paid out at the end of the week, I’ma need money for gas back to Philly.”

E said I got you.

Gloved butler-type dudes in the catered eating area with plastered-on smiles, attending to Sterno-lit chafing dishes of every breakfast item you could think of.

Couple carpentry bros in there—our coworkers. But otherwise. Folks in suits typing into phones, arranging meetings, nibbling on eggs.

I went in on so much shit—French toast, an omelet, Canadian bacon. All that.

Immediately exposing myself as poor.

The job was an install for Intel.

Some Intel conference.

Setting up two football fields’ worth of booths and rooms and display areas, where Intel reps would sell new technology to…potential buyers?

I didn’t even know.

This would take Monday, Tuesday. For the event on Wednesday. Before tearing it all down Thurs–Friday.

Not even sure whether we were scabs.

I got the sense the wild day rate was in order to avoid going through the labor union.

So they could get it done with less people incentivized to work harder.