But so the mama went in at the farmer’s market when we learned this; we were stocked with enough broccoli sprouts for an apocalypse.

She was constructing an elaborate Russian-doll piñata of broccoli sprouts and ice packs in bigger and bigger ziplocks.

“Mama,” I said. “I’m not gonna have refrigeration in my van when I mish it to New York,” I said. “Plus I can just get more once I’m back,” setting my pack down.

“Seanie,” my mama said, holding up and inspecting the sprout piñata, as if for leaks. “You’re not going to get more once you get out there.”

She was right.

“You’re right,” I said. “OK I’ll take it.”

My mama looked at me pained.

“You’re really gonna move back into your van?”

“Yeah!” I said, too quickly/defensively for it to be believable.

•

On my final morning in LA, I woke up on the mama’s pullout futon, made a coffee, and went down to the Whole Foods alley for a cig.

Opened my email.

Saw this.

Dear Sean,

I just listened to your podcast about Motherhood and then came back and read this email. First of all, let me say that I’m so sorry I didn’t reply.…A week after I posted my podcast, my father, my favourite person in the world, died. And everything I talked about on the podcast felt so so incredibly far away from me. And I just fell behind in all my correspondence, and everything.

Second, I loved your podcast. I felt like I was walking alongside you, and I really liked hearing all your thoughts about the book, including the things you disagreed about, and had questions about, and doubts about. It just was really beautiful also for me to hear you talk about loving one’s body, which is something that always feels like such a chore to me, but is really important I know, so I’m going to take your inspiration to try to cut down on all the things which make me physically feel bad, and try to do more of the things which make my body feel better. I can live so much in my mind and forget how beautiful it is to have a body that works, that can be strong, if you let it be.…

I just really appreciated your whole tone, and am very grateful for your appreciation of my writing. I listened to the podcast in the car, and then at home again, after spending much of the day with my mother who broke her ankle (at the gym!) yesterday.

I hope you are well and happy and enjoying creating whatever you’re creating. I think the analogy of writing slower like sometimes one walks slower on a run is a really good one. I really like your perspective. Thank you for your letter and your podcast and everything.

yours truly,

Sheila

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