Sydney’s voice trails. This is the closest she’s gotten to addressing the rift between me and Holden in years, and it’s incredibly ironic it’s happening now.

“No. He wasn’t rude.”

That’s all I say, and I watch Sydney forcibly shove down her curiosity. I show her some photos I took around the city and brainstorm a plan regarding another hang out with Graham until the cookies are done. By the time they’re cooled, it’s dinner time.

“I should head home. Dad wants to look over my college essay tonight.” I finally managed to finish a draft right before leaving on the senior trip.

Sadness crosses Sydney’s face like a cloud passing in front of the sun, the same expression she wears every time that the topic of college comes up. I nudge her shoulder. “It’s still a year away.”

“Eight months,” she grumbles.

I haven’t asked—and she hasn’t said—but I know Sydney’s apprehension when it comes to the topic of college isn’t just because of me.

Holden leaving will mean she’s all alone. Their dad’s schedule has gotten busier and busier in recent years. I’ve barely seen Mr. Adams in months. I have no idea if he plans to be home with Sydney once Holden leaves, and I’m not sure she knows either. It’s not my place to ask.

Our goodbye hug is tighter than usual before I grab the plate of cookies and head for the front door. I slip on my jacket and step out onto the front porch, pulling the door shut behind me.

I turn and freeze. “Oh. Hi.”

“Hey.” As per usual, Holden meets my awkwardness with ease. He leans against the railing that runs the length of the stairs, totally relaxed.

“I was just, um, cookies.” I swallow. Blush. “Sydney and I made cookies.”

Holden smiles. “You’re acting weird.”

“No, I’m not.” I can’t keep eye contact through the three words.

He takes another step up the stairs, which doesn’t help. Holden is closer now. Even more consuming. “Yeah, you are.” He sounds amused about it, and I have no idea what to make of it.

“I…I just came to see Sydney. I don’t want you to think I think things have changed between us. I know they haven’t.”

“You were right, when you said I avoid commitment.”

“I know,” I blurt.

He laughs. Slowly, the amusement slips away. “Probably have my mom to blame.”

I still. Sydney has never, not once, mentioned her mom to me. My mother was the one who told me their mom left when Holden was five and Sydney was four. She also warned me it was a sensitive topic, so I’ve never asked. Never brought it up.

Holden takes another step. Now he’s less than a foot away.