I scan her face. Features I know better than my own. I turned on the overhead light when we came in here. I wasn’t trying to set any sort of romantic atmosphere. Its bright glare reveals everything. I can see everything, from the green swirl in her hazel eyes to the freckle just below her jawline. The small scar just below the dip of her chin from falling off the monkey bars in sixth grade. The generous swell of the breasts I’ve jerked off to way too many times.

“Are you?” she asks. Her confident façade falters, insecurity saturating the two words. She’s not sure if I want this—want her. It’s a misconception I’m suddenly desperate to correct.

And that’s all it takes. The battle inside me ends. There’s a chance this was always inevitable between us. In some ways, capitulating feels like another failure on my part. But the sense of victory—of relief—is much stronger.

I don’t believe in destiny or fate. I’m not even sure if I believe in love. The romantic sort, at least. The kind where you choose to love someone without the link of any obligation.

But there’s something that feels right, feels settled, about Cassia being naked in my lap. I fall into the pull, yanking the towel away and looking my fill. She lets me stare, holding my gaze every time it flickers back to her face.

I pull my sweatshirt off and shift so she’s more on the bed than my lap. Kick off my sweatpants and boxers, leaving me as naked as she is. I consider turning off the lights but don’t.

I like this—like seeing her. It’s such a contrast from every other time I’ve had sex, there’s no comparison.

Cassia bites her bottom lip as I lie down beside her. There aren’t words that explain how this feels. Some combination of confusion and euphoria. Her hair is a dark tangle spread out on the sheets. She rolls on her side, facing me.

“I’ve never done this before.”

“I know.”

She’s looking to me to take the lead, but it feels like I’ve never done this before either. It’s never felt like this before with anyone else.

Her body moves closer to mine, until our bare skin is brushing. “I want to, Holden. I want you to fuck me.”

Some of my confidence makes a sudden return. I don’t know what it is about Cassia that disarms me so thoroughly. But I know those aren’t words she could have uttered easily. She’s putting herself out there—for me. Trying to entice me, as if I need any encouragement.

I reach out and brush some hair away from her face. “I’m going to, baby.”