Sydney texts me at quarter of seven, telling me she and Graham are going to the game and asking if I want a ride. I reply, telling her I’ll meet her there before I pack up my books and leave the library.

There’s a steady stream of people headed into the gym as I approach it. All the players are already out on the court, warming up.

I find Sydney and Graham easily. They’re sitting front and center. Both of them eye me curiously but say nothing about this morning’s announcements or anything Holden-related. I’m grateful, especially once I spot him on the court.

We’re close enough to the sideline that he looks larger than life. He walks across the court like he’s commanding its presence, the snug fit of his uniform impossible to ignore as he gestures and talks with his teammates.

My eyes trail him instead of focusing on anything else, absorbing every little detail.

Every now and then, Holden looks away from the court. It seems like he’s looking for something, but he doesn’t glance my way. Not until the very start of the game. He sees Sydney first and gives her a wave. Then spots me and freezes.

We stare at each other for what feels like far too long.

He gives me a nod of acknowledgment, and then the game begins. I barely pay attention to any of the plays taking place, too lost in the confusion of my own head. I came because I couldn’t not come, and I’m not sure that’s the right reasoning.

There’s some part of me that is used to capitulating to him, to taking what little he offers, and I don’t think that’s a healthy instinct. He’s too adept at pulling me in and then shutting his feelings down.

It’s devastating for my head. For my heart.

The final whistle is startling. I was watching the whole game and missed every moment. I know they won, but still have to glance at the scoreboard to confirm.

Sydney stretches and glances at me as other spectators start to file out of the gym. It was a sold-out game, the gym fuller than I’ve ever seen it. “Are you staying?”

I know my answer before I say it. “Yeah.”

Her smile eases any fears I had about her not accepting me and Holden, on the off chance that we became something to accept. “Okay.”

She wants to say more, I can tell, but she doesn’t, just giving me a hug before she and Graham depart.

I stay seated, watching everyone else filter out of the gymnasium. Through the lobby and outside into the parking lot.