My heart takes off at a gallop. The whoosh of blood makes it hard to hear. My fingernails dig into the skin of my palm, hard enough they’re probably leaving marks. I can’t believe he’s doing this.

Here.

Now.

At all.

Years of meaning nothing to him in the four walls of this high school. And now, this. An acknowledgment that confuses every instinct.

There’s some noise in the background. The screech of feedback.

“Game tonight starts at seven. Be there or be lame.”

The loudspeaker shuts off. And everyone turns to stare at me.

* * *

My locker looks foreign. I stare at the neat row of books like I’ve never even seen it before.

My mind is preoccupied. By the stares and whispers that have followed me around all day. By the words he said and the wondering about whether he meant them.

“Hi.”

I bite on the inside of my cheek hard enough to taste blood before I turn to him.

Holden looks cool, calm, and collected as he leans against the locker next to mine. Relaxed, as he holds the strap of his backpack and stares at me.

I swallow. “Hi.”

“Are you coming tonight?”

“I haven’t decided.”

It’s a lie. I know I’ll be there. But it doesn’t mean I forgive him, and I don’t want him to think that it does.

Holden nods. “Okay.”

“That wasn’t much of a sales pitch.” I speak without thinking, falling into the instinct to speak first and think second that’s always been way too easy around him.

He grins, but it disappears quickly. “I’m not here to talk you into anything. I meant it when I said you’re better off without me.”

Everything in me tenses at the reminder of that conversation.

“I’m selfish, Cassia. I’ve always tried to protect you from that. But it doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. I gave you my heart a long time ago. You don’t have to believe me. I won’t blame you if you don’t forgive me. You can punish me. Ignore me. Hate me. But no matter what, it will always be yours.”

Weeks ago, this speech would have made me melt. Now, I challenge everything he’s saying. “Was it mine when you were ignoring me for years, Holden? When you were with other girls? When you forgot about our friendship?”

Holden winces, looking away and running a hand through his hair before he holds my gaze.

“I would change things if I could, Cassia.” He reaches into his backpack and pulls out a composition notebook. I recognize it. It’s the same one he told me was full of stats when I reached for it in his bedroom.

I doubt that’s what he’s handing me. “What’s this?”

“Things I never told you.”