“It wasn’t a question, Holden. You’re going to college, scholarship or not. We’ll figure it out. That’s part of being a parent—ensuring your kids have more opportunities than you did. It’s an experience I want you to have.”

I don’t answer right away. We’re dancing close to a topic we don’t discuss—my mom.

She got pregnant with me in high school, then had Sydney just eleven months after I was born. I wasn’t planned, and I’m pretty sure Sydney wasn’t either. Our existence changed their lives. For the worse, even though I’m sure my dad would say for the better. He’s done his best to compensate for our mom walking away, making do with the limited opportunities a lack of a college degree allows and working himself to the bone for the shipping company he still delivers for.

It’s a large part of why Sydney and I have always gone out of our way to assure him we’re fine with his long absences. And I know it’s why my dad is so insistent on me going to college, even though it would make things easier for him and Sydney if I didn’t.

“I talked to a scout after the Covington game,” I state. “He said they might make an offer.”

My dad looks elated. “Which school?”

“Richmond.”

“That’s amazing, Holden. Of course, if it doesn’t work out, it’ll just be their loss.”

Something warm and soft swells in my chest. I’m not used to having these sorts of conversations with my dad. Usually, our discussions are a predictable back and forth. Him asking about my grades and groceries. Reminding me when Aunt Catherine is stopping by to spend a night with us. It’s rare to delve deeper.

“Were you in love with Lana?” I haven’t called her Mom since the day she left.

Sometimes my dad is hard to read. Right now, all I can see is shock. Shocked I brought her up. Shocked I asked about love. Just shock.

But then he answers without having to think about it much. “No.”

“You weren’t?” I’m surprised by his response and how certain it is, and I know it’s reflected in my tone.

“Maybe I could have loved her. But no, I never did. She was an adventure. Excitement. You and Sydney came along. We could have grown into it. Instead, we grew apart.” He sighs. “I wish it had worked, for you and Sydney. But for me? I think I always knew there was something missing. Probably more than you wanted to know.”

He’s wrong. It’s exactly what I needed to know. I always assumed he and Lana were an epic love story with a sad ending. That they’d tried to make it work and failed spectacularly. Knowing it never was headed that way…it helps, actually.