“Yeah,” Myron said. “I messed up. I thought I was helping your dad all those years ago. It ends up, I made him run away. And, yeah, I know that if I hadn’t done that, he’d be alive right now. I live with that ghost every day. And your father isn’t my only ghost. There are a lot more who won’t let me go.”

“Myron?”

“Yeah?”

“How do you live with that?”

“With what, the ghosts?”

“Yeah. How do you live with them?”

“You don’t have much choice. What else are you going to do?”

“That’s it?” I frowned. “That’s your answer.”

“Mostly, yeah. And I try to remember that the mistakes I made were just that. Mistakes. I never meant to hurt anyone. Sometimes you try to do right but wrong still seems to find you. I remind myself of that. And I also remember that it’s not the battle, it’s the war.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning in the end, I’ve done more good than evil. I’ve saved more than I’ve harmed. You are a sum of your life, not just one part.”

I nodded. He started to walk away. “Myron?”

“What?”

“Dad wouldn’t want you to blame himself,” I said.

“I know,” Myron replied. “And that just makes it harder.”

CHAPTER 46

I didn’t sleep. But in a little while, none of that would matter.

In fact, what Troy Taylor had done to me wouldn’t matter either.

As I grew more tired, delirium started to set in. I saw Troy’s mocking grin. Then I saw Luther’s mocking grin. Sometimes the smiles were superimposed on top of each other. Sometimes one face slowly transformed into the other.

Luther and Troy. My enemies. My Butchers.

At 6:00 A.M., still lying on my back, I heard the phone ring. Early, I thought.

A few minutes later, I heard the basement door open. Uncle Myron trudged down the stairs slowly. I sat up when I saw his face. It looked like someone had just punched him in the stomach.

“Who was on the phone?” I asked.

“Buck’s father.”

“What happened?”

Uncle Myron swallowed hard. “Buck.”

“What about him?”

“He’s dead.”

CHAPTER 47

Speed was of the essence, so I asked Myron to drive me to Ema’s house.

“Was Ema close to Buck?” Myron asked.

He saw the look on my face, nodded, and grabbed his keys. We sprinted to the car. He gave me details, though it all came to me through a haze. Buck’s body was found buried in the woods not far from his father’s gym. The news hadn’t been released to the media yet. Myron had been called in his “professional capacity.”

I wasn’t sure what he meant by that.