Jared had told us that she’d find heartache on this island. Bat Lady had warned us that the answer would hurt her. I didn’t want anyone or anything to hurt Ema anymore. I didn’t want anything to hurt Rachel or Spoon either, but the truth was, since I had entered their lives, they had all taken devastating hits. Rachel had been shot and lost her mother. Spoon had been shot and now lay paralyzed in a hospital bed.

If something happened to Ema . . .

“I’m going to knock on the door,” Ema said.

“I’ll go with you.”

“No.”

“What?”

She turned and looked up at me. “Not this time, Mickey. Okay? Just trust me on this.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I just stood there. Ema walked to the door. She raised her fist, hesitated for a moment, and then knocked on the door. Time stood still. After what seemed like an eternity, the door opened. When Buck’s mother saw who it was, her hand flew to her mouth as she choked back a cry.

Ema stepped forward. “My name is—”

“You’re Ema,” Buck’s mother finished for her.

Ema looked confused. “Yes. But how did you—”

Buck’s mother opened the door. “Please, come inside.”

CHAPTER 41

Time didn’t stand still. It just passed by really, really slowly.

For the first ten minutes, I sat on the curb in front of the house. I got antsy. I stood and started walking just a little up the street, then a little down the street, hoping to catch a glimpse of something—anything—in the windows.

But there was nothing.

Another ten minutes passed. Then another. People walked by me. They eyed me with suspicion. It was clear to them I didn’t belong here. This was a very small road on a very small island. Visitors didn’t often loiter.

Ten more minutes passed.

What the heck was going on in there?

I stopped looking at the time and started looking at the sky. The sun shone down on my face. I closed my eyes and soaked it in. I stopped thinking about Ema and Buck. I stopped thinking about Troy’s drug test. I even stopped thinking about my own Butcher of Lodz, the sandy-haired man named Luther.

I thought about my mom and dad.

You often hear that you only get one life and that life isn’t a dress rehearsal. That was true, but it felt more direct to me. Simply put, this was it. What you’re doing right now is life. This moment, every moment impacts and builds on the next. I could think about the days when my father was alive and my mother was sober. I could dream about going back in time to that moment and altering it, but that would never happen.

Time only goes forward.