‘Thanks,’ he mumbled as he pulled his doona back over his head. ‘Love you.’

‘I love you too.’

Despite the quake in my heart, I smiled as a rush of love for my son filled my whole being. Sax had only started sleeping in over the last couple of months. Before that he was an early riser like Adrian and Payton, but he’d also shot up recently so obviously needed his sleep. Although at almost fifteen he was smack bang in the middle of his teens, we hadn’t had the drama that many of my friends had with their adolescent boys. Sure, he had the occasional morning grump and sometimes talked back, but he worked hard at school and I never had to nag him about practising his guitar.

The horn beeping in our driveway jolted me from my thoughts and snapped me back to reality. With a deep sigh, I retreated from the safety of my son’s room and headed out to the car.

‘What took you so long?’ Payton asked from the back seat where she was doing some kind of skill work with her bright pink soccer ball. I didn’t have the energy to tell her not to. Adrian was driving; if he found it distracting, he could reprimand her. Why did I always have to be the bad cop?

‘I was just saying goodbye to Saxon.’ I snapped my seatbelt in place and sank back into the passenger seat.

‘Is he going to music practice this arvo?’ Adrian asked as he reversed my wagon out of our driveway. His second-hand sports car wasn’t practical when we travelled as a family.

‘I don’t know.’ My tone was terse. Saxon and his band usually hung out every Sunday afternoon—I didn’t see why today would be any different—but I wasn’t in the mood for small talk.

Adrian nodded and turned his attention to the road, while Payton talked about who knows what. Probably something to do with the imminent game or soccer in general. Usually her incessant chatter drove me mad, but today I was grateful for it. It meant Adrian didn’t try to make any further conversation and I didn’t blurt out the question that was on repeat in my head while our daughter was in our presence.

Do you want to leave me?

I racked my mind for signs that should have alerted me to something like this, but nothing seemed to have changed between us in the last few months. Sure, life had been hectic—with the kids and the clinic—but that wasn’t exactly new, and I couldn’t pinpoint anything specific. Finally, we arrived at the oval and I couldn’t escape the car fast enough.

‘Can I get you a drink?’ Adrian asked, nodding towards the coffee van parked nearby. Our daughter had already shot off towards the pitch where her teammates were gathering, their parents setting up folding chairs and no doubt making small talk about their postgame plans.

‘No, thank you.’ I couldn’t bring myself to accept anything from him right now. ‘You can tell me what the hell is going on instead. What exactly do you mean when you say we should give nest parenting a try? Do you even know what it is? Is this some kind of joke?’