I’m also battling the urge to cry. Because he said he can’t give me everything, but this is everything. All I’ve ever wanted—all I couldn’t obtain by myself—was for this boy to love me. And it feels closer than ever and also so far away. I couldn’t move on before. How am I supposed to now? When I have all these memories to supplant the fantasies and feelings I’ve held on to for years? I’ve come so far and fallen so short. Both are debilitating in their own ways. It’s hard knowing I’ve fought for nothing. Harder to stop fighting.

Ecstasy explodes, and I’m granted a temporary respite from worrying about those answers. I moan against his lips as tremors radiate through me. As I feel his release spill inside me. It feels so right, and I hate how much I love it.

I bury my face in the crook of his neck, not caring about the sticky mess. That he’s about to pull away. I focus on the whoosh of his heart and the smell of his skin and the fact that he’s here. Above me. In me. Surrounding me.

“Evie.”

“What?”

“I missed you.”

I don’t realize moisture is spilling out of my eyes until some detached part of my brain starts to wonder why his neck is damp.

With a muttered curse, he slips out of me and away. But then his arms scoop me up, one under my knees and the other behind my back. He cradles me against my chest and walks into the adjoining bathroom, setting me down inside of the shower. My legs feel wobbly, but I stay upright.

Gray turns the water to full blast, then steps under it next to me. The water is cold. It hits my bare skin like icy knives. But I don’t move, embracing the chill and then the numbness.

“What time are you leaving again?”

“I’ve got to be at the base by noon.”

“Where are you going?”

Something shimmers in his gaze. “You know I can’t tell you that.”

“Then, tell me the last time you had sex with someone else.”

His gaze flicks away, toward the neat line of soap bottles, then back to me. “The night before your parents’ anniversary party.”

“The threesome?”

He coughs. “I mean, if we’re getting technical, I only had sex with one of them. The other just sucked me off.”

I nod, then look away. The tears sliding down my cheeks mix with the water pounding over us that’s turned tepid. “I can’t picture it. Having sex with someone else. With Logan, there were moments we got close. I always found some excuse.”

Gray steps closer.