I wave to the barman to bring us another round. We’re having drinks in a bar halfway between our offices and I don’t care if it is only lunchtime. I’m getting wasted.

“I don’t think feeling glad you had a diamond ring to show to your ex’s wife qualifies as warming up to the engagement, do you?”

“But you said it was the first time you were happy Richard proposed.”

“Just as a social shield. If anything, this is telling me I shouldn’t marry Richard even more.”

“Why? Because you’re in love with a married man you can never have?”

“It’s not fair to Richard. I don’t love him enough to marry him.”

“But you do love him?”

“I do, but it’s not consuming, it’s not breathtaking. It’s just, well, lovely.”

“Gemma, what are you going to do if you don’t marry Richard? Spend the rest of your life waiting for Jake to suddenly realize he can’t live without you? Be single forever? Become a crazy cat lady and die alone?”

“No, no and no.”

“What then?”

“I could meet someone else…”

“Someone better than Richard?”

She has a good point there. I’m never going to meet someone better than Richard. He’s good-looking, kind, charming, fun, and full of life. His only problem is he’s not Jake. I so don’t deserve him.

“No, you’re right. I’m never going to meet someone better than Richard.”

“So?”

“So, I’m screwed.” I shake my head. “Richard doesn’t deserve this; he deserves a woman who loves him with all her heart and soul. I’d be doing him a favor if I broke up with him now before we’re too invested.”

“But he loves you, not some hypothetical perfect other woman. You make him happy. You’re just freaked out because he proposed.”

“But doesn’t that say enough about where we stand? Every other woman in my position would be ecstatic—worse even, she would’ve probably been pressuring her boyfriend to propose. Isn’t the fact that the thought never even crossed my mind enough of a telltale?”

“You’ve never been particularly girly about weddings. When I was telling you the details of my wedding with William, you kept rolling your eyes at everything I said.”

“You were a tad overbearing.”

“I was a bride,” Amelia says with pride. “You’d probably rather elope to Vegas so you don’t have to organize anything.”

“I would,” I admit.

“So, see, you’re not your typical girl when it comes to weddings.”

“Listen, I’m not scared of the ceremony; I’m scared of making a life-commitment to a man when I don’t really mean it.”

“Let’s try this way: were you thinking of breaking up with Richard before he proposed?”

“No.”