“I also said he would have to be tall, with smoldering green eyes, and full lips… Ring a bell? I said I wanted him to speak Italian, and to ride a bike. That he would have to be some kind of struggling artist, someone who lives paycheck to paycheck. And who buys cheap rings. That’s basically Diego’s identikit. You really failed to notice?”

“So what if I did? You’re just jealous I stole the attention for five minutes, preventing everybody in the family from drooling over your one-carat ring the entire time.”

“Oh, so now I’m the jealous one?” Julia brushes a slab of muck that’s dripping down her forehead away from her eye. “That’s rich, coming from you!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That at least now you can stop being jealous of me dating Paul.”

The accusation hurts like a slap. “Why would I be jealous of you dating Paul?”

“Oh, please. I’ve always known you had a thing for him.”

I freeze at that. My first instinct is to deny it, but an irrational rage takes over and, calm as a snake before it attacks, I hiss, “So why did you go out with him if you knew?”

Julia lowers her eyes, looking momentarily guilty, before her usual flippancy is back. She shrugs, and says, “I liked him.”

That could be it: she saw something she liked and took it, no matter whose feelings she had to trample in the process. But that fraction-of-a-second guilty stare gave her away.

I narrow my eyes at her. “Did you go out with Paul specifically to piss me off?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” She waves dismissively, but I see how she flares her nostrils, like she does whenever she’s lying.

“You’re lying.” The realization hits me in the gut like a sucker punch. “You knew I liked him, and that’s the only reason you went out with him.” My voice goes up a notch. “You’re such a bitch!”

Blind fury takes over again, and I make a grab for the first offending substance I can find—chocolate pudding—and throw a handful at her, aiming for her face. I miss and hit her below the shoulder.

“Aaaaargh!” she screams. Not even trying to clean herself, Julia grasps a bowl full of whipped cream and slashes it in my direction, covering my entire torso in white slime. “I hate you!”

“You hate me? After what you did? Why?” I fling a saucer filled with cold gravy at her. A brown, shoulder-to-hip, gooey welt appears on her clothes. “Why would you do something so mean on purpose? What did I ever do to you?”

“You’ve always looked down on me!” Julia shrieks. “But now I realize you’re just a loser who spent the past two years drooling over her younger sister’s boyfriend. How pathetic is that?”