She smiles. “Maybe you’re right. But this is all so new; it’s normal for me to have some wedding jitters, isn’t it?”

I’ve had enough. “Listen, Jules, I don’t mean to be rude, but I really have a ton of work to do…”

“Sorry.” Julia hops off the desk. “I’ve already stolen too much of your time. Thank you for talking me down.” She pulls on her coat. “I’ll send you the wedding planner’s contact as soon as I’ve picked one…”

“Whatever you need.” I hug her goodbye and usher her out. “You know the way, right?”

“Yeah.” She gives me another quick hug and goes.

I don’t watch her get to the elevators; I shut the door to my office and pull down all the blinds. Back behind my desk, I drop my head on its cold surface and wait for the tears to come. Only they won’t. After holding back for too long, my body is wired to resist and refuses to let go.

For the rest of the afternoon I stare blankly at my screen, finishing none of the work I was supposed to do—namely, the final revision of a lipstick commercial that starts shooting soon. A high-end gig with A-list models and a top-notch director. I just scroll through the art boards, casting pictures, and wardrobe selection without really seeing any of it. By the time Melanie knocks on my door to tell me she’s leaving for the night, I’ve no idea what the plan is for the shoot the day after tomorrow.

Ah, hell. I decide to follow Melanie out. Take the night off, process the blow, and come back in the morning as good as new. The engagement doesn’t really change anything. They already live together… Marriage won’t make their relationship any better… Only more permanent… More unbreakable…

Kids are coming next, a vicious voice whispers inside my head.

As I walk out of my building, I try to imagine what a Jules & Paul baby would look like. Gorgeous, for sure, with blonde hair and blue eyes… Perfect, really. They’re going to have perfect babies, to live in their perfect house, after their perfect wedding.

Despite the biting cold, my feet refuse to walk me to the subway station. Instead, I wander the streets of New York surrounded by a frenzied holiday crowd. Revoltingly cheery people going about their jolly business amidst colorful shopping windows and those sickening Christmas tunes coming out of a thousand speakers hidden everywhere in the city.

A couple in front of me stops to kiss under a mistletoe wreath. Disgusted, I side-step past them, only to be assailed by a blinding display of red and green lights. Between the music, the lights, the colors, and the crowd, my head starts spinning. It seems like the whole city is bearing down on me. I need to get somewhere dark and quiet, now!