Instead, I tried to focus on this moment with Saba. “With Miguel, it’s like I was telling Elias.” I waved a hand as I explained. “He’s the logistics coordinator for the project I’m working on.” She gave me a weird look, since I’d just implied I was talking about my boyfriend troubles with a colleague, but I kept going. “At this point it’s more humiliating than anything else. Like I can’t trust myself to know who really cares for me and who just wants to play me.”

I sat up and looked at the pool while I spoke. I didn’t know how to say the next part. “And about the job, I don’t know, Saba. Mamí would be so hurt. You know that.”

“She may be hurt, but I also know that life goes by in a blur. If you know this work doesn’t fulfill you, find what does and go after it.”

I was grateful for Saba’s encouragement, but I was just not there yet. I grabbed my cold bottle of beer from the little table between us and took a long sip. “Thanks for saying all that, really. For now, I’m happy to be here hanging out with my second favorite old lady.”

She balked and I cracked up. “Naughty boy! I’m going to make you pay for your own beer if you keep calling me old!”

Saba let things go after saying her piece and started telling me a funny story about a coworker. By the time the server came with our food, I was wiping the tears from my eyes. We grabbed our sandwiches and chewed in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the perfect weather and delicious food. I was picking at the fries on my plate when Saba looked over at me. “So, what’s the plan for the next few weeks?”

“Work,” I said, trying hard not to sound too excited about the prospect of a few more weeks with Elias. “We have to run another survey. I think we’ll be out there for another three weeks. I have about ten days on the back end to do some travelling once we’re done. I was hoping to go to the Simien Mountains and Gondar. Elias said he knows of a few good places that plan tours for people travelling alone.”

She nodded, then gave me a look that made me nervous. “Tell me about this Elias. It’s the second time I’ve heard about him in twenty minutes.”

I knew I was blushing again, but the image of Elias on his knees with my cock stretching out his lips was going to have that effect on me for a while.

I cleared my throat and looked at the deep end of the pool, which had suddenly become extremely fascinating. “Umm, he’s part of the team. For this project. In the field. I mean—he’s with Aid.”