I sat there, quietly giving him more time to say what was on his mind. After we distracted ourselves with taking sips of beer and attempting to finish the pizza on our plates, Elias finally continued. “I guess it will depend on how I feel once I experience life in a different place. How I take to it, you know? I love Addis, and my family is here, but sometimes I want to have more freedom too.”

I cocked my head to the side, not completely certain I understood what he was saying, and was cautious not to make any assumptions. “Do you mean like not living with family?”

He sat very still for a moment, then shook his head. “You know what, it’s not important.”

I leaned even closer, desperate for him to go on. “No, I want to know. I mean, unless you don’t want to tell me your entire life history like I just did to you.”

He smiled, and his head came a little closer to mine. It was like our bodies were trying to override the rules by which we were supposed to play. “I like hearing about your life.”

His words pulsed through me. Just lit me up, ramping up even more the anticipation of the secret he was about to tell me. It felt like my heart was pounding between my temples. Because I knew what he was about to say, and that both terrified and elated me.

“When I say I want more freedom to be myself, I mean I want to know what it’s like to be like you.”

The flutter in my chest was intense, like a bird was flapping its wings against my ribcage, and even before I asked the question, I knew the answer. That comment—“like me”—could mean anything, but I knew. I knew. I’d known from the first moment.

Still, my voice shook when I asked, “Like me?”

Instantly the energy around us seemed to change. Elias was no longer somber. He was smiling, but he put his hands up. “Okay, now I think I scared you.”

Dammit, Elias, keep talking. “I’m not scared.”

With the smile still on his face, he tapped my foot with his under the table. He leaned in like he wanted to avoid yelling over the noise, but even with chatter all around us his voice was sure and clear. “I’m gay, and I want to know what it’s like to live openly. I could never do that here.”