His eyes widened when I said that, and he kept twisting that ring. When he finally spoke, he steered away from talking about whatever was conflicting him about going to the States. “I didn’t know you were from New York. I thought because your parents did international work you’d be based in DC.”

I placed my hand on the table, hyperaware of the fact that if I moved it less than a centimeter, we’d be touching. “Yeah. That’s my home base right now, but my mom lives in Ithaca. That’s where my dad was from, and we moved there after he died. She wanted to be closer to his family.” I shrugged, always feeling awkward when talking about my mom’s family. “She was never very close to her own, and they were all in the DR anyways.” I played with the slice of half-eaten pizza on my plate, feeling like this whole conversation had suddenly gotten a lot more serious.

“I did college in Ithaca and moved to DC for a job with Aid USA after I graduated. I’ve been there ever since.” I paused, thinking of how little I considered DC as home. “I travel a lot though, so I’m rarely there for more than a few months at a time.”

He nodded and looked at me with a focus that made me breathless. Before I knew it, I was putting words to something I hadn’t spoken out loud to anyone, not even Lucía.

“I’m actually thinking of leaving DC.” I rolled my eyes in self-mockery, trying to give levity to what I was saying, even though I felt every word in the pit of my stomach.

Elias leaned closer as I opened my mouth again, like he understood how big this moment was for me. “Where are you thinking of going?” Elias’s questions were always earnest. His focus and attention solely on me.

“I’m thinking of going back to school too. It’ll involve a bit of a career shift.” I lifted my hand when he raised his eyebrows. “Not a completely new field, but definitely different. I’ve been considering it for a while. This survey came at the perfect moment, actually. I’m trying to use my time in Ethiopia to decide on what’s next.”

But instead of doing that, I’m spending an absurd amount of time obsessing about you.

Elias opened his mouth a couple of times, but closed it before he spoke. I could tell he was carefully deciding where to take the conversation. Finally, he said, “This work is not easy. Even when you enjoy it, doing it for too long can be depleting.”

I tried to find words to respond, but came up short. Because in reality, I hadn’t told myself why I wanted to do something else. I just felt tired of where I was now.