“I think that decision is not completely up to you.” Her expression softened then. “And I don’t think it would be all about you—he needs to do this at some point. Hiding like that, it eats at you. It will wear him out eventually. He needs to breathe freely for a while, at least to know what it’s like. He can’t keep using his family as an excuse not to do that.”

She sighed, as if wondering if the emotional toil of going on with this conversation was worth it. But then she moved closer, her eyes half-closed. “There is so much going on in our country. So many vital things to focus on, work toward…it’s hard to prioritize things that don’t seem essential. But we must do that too. It’s not being frivolous to think about our own happiness, our safety in here.” She tapped a finger to her temple and then somewhere by her heart. “How can we do this work we do if we are walking around with big holes in our chests?”

My eyes widened at the we. Her closeness with Elias made total sense now. She must have figured out my curiosity because she smiled as she cocked her head in the direction of the table. “I’ll tell you my story some time, Desta. Come on, let’s join the table before Sam decides we’re sleeping together.”

I rolled my eyes and as I finished my beer before glancing over at him. “He’s such an ass.”

Tsehay didn’t answer, but she didn’t have to. After a moment, we moved to join the others. All through dinner I thought about what she’d told me and decided I needed to talk with Elias. Even if we couldn’t be together, he deserved better than what he was getting from me.

The next morning I was out of my room and headed for a run just as the sun was coming up. I had my headphones on and set out on my usual route. I had actually gotten used to the weird whooping sounds the hyenas made and had a decent night of sleep. My body was eager for some exercise, and as soon as I set out, I felt awake and energized.

I ran alongside the two-lane road, which went up rolling hills. On either side of me were rows and rows of coffee bushes still half hidden in the morning mist. There were traditional houses interspersed with the orchards a bit farther in from the road. In the distance I saw green mountains looming.

It was so beautiful here.

My mom had been right—there was just something in the air. After over a month, my heart felt bigger. Like coming back to this place was a puzzle piece I’d been missing.