“Luce, I think this time it’s different,” I said, smiling helplessly when I thought of how good things felt with Elias. “I can just be with him. It feels so good and safe. I don’t feel the need to be two steps ahead, dictating where we go next. I’m just happy to be there. He’s so fucking brave too. Tonight we were at Saba’s and he just grabbed my head and kissed me. Right in front of her.” It was crazy to think that only happened a couple of hours ago.

“I know it doesn’t seem like much, but doing that here openly is a risky thing, and he did it for me.” I felt so fucking stupid and desperate, grasping at straws to make her understand that this was the real deal. “God, it sounds so corny when I say it, but it felt so good for someone to want me like that. So much he was willing to take chances. No one has ever done that for me.”

Lucía was so clearly worried for me that I wanted to hide. “It’s not stupid, Des. It’s great,” she said firmly. Her expression changed and she waved her hand in the direction of her laptop. “Forget all the shit I said. Enjoy him. Enjoy the trip. You deserve it. What I want is for you to be happy. Full stop. You do what you need to do, no matter what. I’m here always. You know that.”

“Thank you.” That was it. No more lecturing, no judgment. She let me know how she felt, but in the end she was happy to see me happy.

After that our conversation veered to my plans for the next weeks and my talk with my mother. I went to sleep feeling anxious about Elias and his family, but also determined to enjoy the time I had with him before we were both inevitably forced to focus on our obligations.

He wasn’t coming.

I woke up to a text from Elias saying he wouldn’t be able to take me to Entoto. My stomach clenched as I read the message. I agonized, wondering if his dad had been having a heart attack while he was messing around with me.

After almost ten minutes of trying and failing to calm down, I sat up in the bed and called him. The phone rang a few times, then disconnected. I kept the phone against my ear with my eyes closed, not ready to deal with the possibility that he might’ve hung up when he saw my number. After a second the phone buzzed with an incoming text.

I was in my father’s room. Walking outside to call you.