Mama’s one concession was that I could still visit Talacsan on weekends. But once school was done the summer before I started sixth grade, I decided that I wouldn’t return to her house and would continue my studies with my grandmother indefinitely. Because Mama had threatened to go to court when I’d brought up my wish to live in Talacsan in the past, and Nanay Coro did not want to keep me with her against my mother’s wishes, I knew that I needed to talk to Mama before I left her for good.

It was past noon on a hot day when my mother came downstairs, bleary from one of her gambling binges the night before, as I watched TV in the living room. I caught sight of her plump face in a bright blue, flower-print house dress before she sat on a rattan chair behind me. A variety show called Eat Bulaga was on, hosted by a trio named Tito, Vic, and Joey who had starred with Redford White in a number of movies. The thought of this made our change in circumstances even more stark, how I was the star of my own sitcom less than three years before, until Mama got too addicted to even take me to auditions.

Still sitting on our concrete floor painted an ugly earthen red, I turned my body to face Mama. I’d planned what I was going to say for days, but her weary face gave me pause because she was sure to be in a bad mood, her hair unkempt and head bent as though she could fall asleep again. But she could leave for weeks at any moment, so I had to take this chance and speak to her.

“I’m going to school in Talacsan next year.”

Mama said nothing and I wasn’t sure if she registered my words, so I stood up and was about to repeat myself when she said, “Are we talking about this again? You’re staying here.”

“I’m old enough to decide for myself.”

Mama stood up, and though her movements were slow, I still took a step back. But I noticed that since I’d grown over the past year, the two of us were now nearly the same height.

“I am your mother,” she said through bared teeth as she took a step toward me. “I decide where you should go.”