She wasn’t as beautiful as Papa was handsome, I realized, and that was why he looked at her with such indifference, the reason she constantly grasped for his attention. I rarely saw the two of them in the same room together, but when I did, during those rare times when Papa was home for dinner or when the three of us watched TV, she glanced at him lovingly while he remained indifferent, which seemed to make her crave his attention even more.

I wondered what it would be like not to be beautiful or smart, not to be white like I was, not to learn things fast. This must be the way to Mama’s affection, to show off qualities she didn’t have, because I was an extension of her, and she thought of my achievements as her own. I resolved to be as smart as I could to please her, so I could see her smile at me that way again, and hug me so close.

There were only four other boys in the waiting room when Mama and I returned, and I was sad not to see George there; I was the only anak araw. I did not expect to enter an actual studio with a set when my turn came. That was when I met Redford White, and maybe it was an advantage that I wasn’t a fan, because I wasn’t nervous; he seemed pleasant as we ran our scene several times just sitting on the set’s living room sofa, with Steve instructing us through a loudspeaker while he sat on a high chair. It was a scene where my dad tries to convince me to put on pajamas and go to bed so he and my mom could have time alone, but I trick him into putting on pajamas instead and run out of the bedroom to my mother.

Eventually, Steve asked us to stand up and go to the bedroom set to do the scene there.

“You left your script,” the director said over the loudspeaker.

“I don’t need it,” I replied.

An assistant handed me the script anyway, as Steve gave me instructions about when to enter the room, when to sit on the bed, and when to run away while Redford tried to catch me. I kept the script in my hand but didn’t look at it, having committed the words to heart after I read them so many times, because I didn’t want to have to put it close to my eyes while I did the scene. The whole thing still seemed like a game, though I did register that Steve was pleased with me, when he said he couldn’t believe I memorized my lines so fast. Two weeks later, Mama came home with the news that I’d gotten the part.

3.