“She tried to kill you. If her plan had worked, you would have been dead. I underestimated her. I didn’t think her capable of murder. I was wrong. She wanted you out of the way and was willing to sacrifice anything I might want, or need, to accomplish it.”

“Were you her lover?”

He looked at me. “Yes.”

“Oh.” I swirled the cocoa with my spoon. “She was a little old, don’t you think?” I rolled my eyes at myself as soon as I said it. I was going by appearances, not reality. Reality was Barrons was at least twice her age; who knew how much more?

His lips curved faintly.

I began to cry.

Barrons looked horrified. “Stop that immediately, Ms. Lane.”

“I can’t.” I sniffled into my cup of cocoa so he couldn’t see my face.

“Try harder!”

I gave a great sniff and shudder, and turned it off.

“I have not been her lover for . . . some time,” he offered, watching me carefully.

“Oh, get over yourself! That’s not why I cried.”

“Why, then?”

“I can’t do it, Barrons,” I said hollowly. “You saw it. I can’t get . . . that . . . that . . . thing. Who are we kidding?”

We stared into the flames for a time, until long after my cocoa was gone.

“What did it feel like to you?” I said, finally.

His mouth shaped a bitter smile. “All this time I’ve been hunting it, I’ve been telling myself I would be the exception. I would be the one who could touch it. Use it. I would be unaffected. I was so certain of myself. ‘Just get me within sight distance of it, Ms. Lane,’ I said, convinced I’d all but have it in the bag then. Well, I was wrong.” He laughed, a sharp bark of a sound. “I can’t touch it, either.”

“Can’t? Or won’t?”

“A fine distinction. Irony, perfect definition: That for which I want to possess it, I would no longer want, once I possessed it. I would lose everything to gain nothing. I am not one for exercises in futility.”

Well, at least I no longer had to worry about Barrons or V’lane getting the Book before I did. V’lane couldn’t touch it because he was Seelie, and Barrons wouldn’t touch it because he was smart enough to realize that whatever purpose he wanted it for would be instantly forfeit to the Beast’s all-consuming nature. “Was it coming after us?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he said. “It certainly looked like it, though, didn’t it?”

I nestled deeper into my blankets. “What are we going to do, Barrons?”

He gave me a dark look. “The only thing we can do, Ms. Lane. We’re going to keep those fucking walls up.”

Chapter Fourteen

FOURTEEN