I opened my eyes. “I don’t get it.”

“Close your eyes.” Voice ricocheted from wall to wall. My eyes closed as if they were his. “You exist only inside yourself,” he said. “No one sees you. You see no one. You are without censure, beyond judgment. There is no law. No right or wrong. How did you feel when you saw your sister’s body?”

Rage filled me. Rage at what had been done to her. Rage at him for bringing it up. The thought that no one could see or judge me was liberating. I swelled with grief and anger.

“Now tell me who you are.”

“Vengeance,” I said in a cold voice.

“Better, Ms. Lane. But try again. And when you speak to me, bow your head.”

I was bleeding by the time the night’s lesson was over. In several places. They were self-inflicted wounds.

I understood why he’d done it. This was tough, well, not love, but tough life lessons. I had to learn this. And I would do whatever it took.

When he’d made me pick up the knife and cut myself, I’d seen a glimmer of light in the darkness inside my skull. I’d still cut myself, but something deep inside me had stirred. It was there, somewhere, if I could just dig deep enough to get to it. I wondered who I’d be by the time I got there. Was this why Barrons was the way he was? Who had put Jericho Barrons on his knees? I could hardly even picture it.

“Did you hurt yourself when you learned?” I asked.

“Many times.”

“How long did it take you?”

He smiled faintly. “Years.”

“That’s unacceptable. I need this now. At least to be able to resist, or I’ll never be able to get near the LM.”

I thought he was going to argue with me about getting near the LM but he said only, “That’s why I’m skipping years of training, taking you far ahead into difficult territory. Tonight was only the beginning of . . . pain. If you’re not okay with where it’s going, tell me here, and now. I won’t ask again. I’ll push you as far as I think you can go.”

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I’m okay with it.”

“Go bandage yourself, Ms. Lane. Use this.” He withdrew a small bottle of ointment from his pocket.

“What is it?”

“It will speed the healing.”

When I returned, he held open the door, and ushered me into the night.

I glanced instinctively to the right. My gargantuan Shade was a dark cloud on top of the building next door. It loomed menacingly, and began to slither down the brick façade.

Barrons stepped out behind me.

The Shade retreated. “What are you?” I said irritably.