“Oh my god, Jake! I can’t be the reason you give up your dream! Don’t put that on me!”

“I’m staying for you. For us.”

He reaches for me, but I push him away. “Don’t be an idiot. You’re going to college. On scholarship. You’re going to pitch for Texas Tech, and you’re going to get a degree, and you’re going to get far away from this place. You’re going to do anything you want.”

“I’m not leaving you here.”

“What makes you think I’m staying?” I demand, throwing my hands in the air. “I have dreams too, you know!”

I mean, I certainly plan to have dreams. Yes, right now it feels like I’m the only member of the junior class who has no idea what she wants to do or who she wants to be, but where does it say I have to have my whole life planned out at sixteen?

I’ll figure it out.

“I just …” Jake runs one hand through his hair. “I don’t want to leave you here alone. Penn will be in New York—I know he’ll get into West Point—and your mom’s never really here, and …” He shrugs. “You have nightmares. And panic attacks.”

“I’ve had two panic attacks in seven months. That’s not exactly a chronic condition. And I haven’t had nightmares in a long time. Look, as sweet as it is that you want to be here for me—like, melt-my-insides sweet—I’m a big girl, Jake. I’m going to be fine. And even if that’s not true, you need to listen to your own advice. It’s not up to you to take care of me.”

Like it wasn’t up to me to take care of my dad.

Though I, of all people, understand why it may feel that way.

“But now you’re getting death threats,” he insists. “I’m not going to abandon you with all that going on.”

“Going to college isn’t abandoning me. Besides, you won’t even be leaving for eight more months. This will blow over long before then.” Especially now that Lullaby Doe is buried and we’ve shut down the Crimson Cryer.

I take his hand and tug him down onto the bed next to me again. “What’s this actually about?” Because it isn’t about me. Not really.

“Nothing. I just … I don’t want to leave you, and I don’t even know that I want to live in Texas. I’m just going to go local. I can commute from home and save money on housing. That’s what Cameron’s doing. We can both play for CCCC.”