Penn thinks he did it on purpose. I know he thinks that, even if he’s never said it out loud. He thinks Dad got tired of fighting an enemy he couldn’t see. An enemy he couldn’t shake free of or hide from. He thinks Dad was grasping for peace, the only way he knew how.

But I don’t believe that. I can’t believe it. My father would never have left us on purpose. He would never have left us like that, knowing that one of us would find him, if he could possibly help it.

Because no matter how hard I try to remember him in uniform or playing his guitar, I’m never going to be able to forget the way I found him. The way he died.

None of us will.

And he would never have done that to us on purpose.

CNN

@CNN · 3h

Students at Clifford High School are raising money for a funeral for little #LullabyDoe. Find out how you can help give the #CliffordBaby a proper burial. cnn.#it/3957e20

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Chapter Thirteen

THIRTEEN

Amira finds me at my locker eight minutes before the first bell, and my mouth opens to ask why she never told me that she slept with my brother. To ask if she’s Lullaby Doe’s mother.

To ask if she’s the reason I’m getting death threats.

But after accusing both my brother and my ex of the same thing—after risking irreparable damage to both relationships—I’ve learned to be more circumspect in the conclusions I draw. In the accusations I throw out.

So I just smile at her as I dig a textbook from my backpack, then I shove the bag, books and all, into my locker. Because they haven’t let us carry purses or bags around campus unless they’re transparent since the second semester of my freshman year. In case someone brings a gun to school.

“You okay?” she asks as we turn toward first period English.

Today, we only have half the normal number of classes, but they will each last twice as long. Because it’s the first day of midterms.

“Yeah. I mean, things are pretty weird at my house right now, but that’s basically always the case.”

“Did you ask your mom about … what we talked about the other day?”

I shake my head. Amira has no way of knowing that something even bigger came up before I could work up the nerve to ask my mother if she’s ever abused her position as a police officer to benefit our family.

“You guys!” Sophia Nelson races to a breathless stop on my right, her eyes lit up like they could guide ships to shore. “We crossed fifty thousand.”