She knew the sun was close to rising, when she heard her Nannie’s footsteps going down the stairs. She cooked breakfast every morning. Grits, eggs, turkey ham, and toast. She had been doing it for as long as Alani could remember. The familiarity of it somehow comforted her. The smell of that breakfast was a symbol of the most consistent love she had ever had. Where her own mother had failed, Nannie had picked up the slack, mothering her, taking her in, teaching her how to survive. She had grown tired of eating the same thing every day over the years; but on a day like today, when everything else around her was changing, the same old, same old was just what she needed. She climbed down the stairs, her red eyes telling the secret of the midnight tears she had cried.

“Good morning.” Her greeting was weak, lacking life, of purpose, and Nannie turned from the stove to stare at her niece.

“It might not feel so good, but the Lord is walking with you, baby. You can’t feel anything right now, I know, but trust me when I tell you that the only thing pulling you out the bed right now is Jesus. He’s carrying you. He’ll carry you through it all.”

Alani closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Preaching wouldn’t remove the invisible knife lodged in her chest. God had let this happen. How could she turn to spirituality for comfort?

“I have to tell Cream today,” she whispered, as Nannie set a plate of hot food in front of her.

“He can’t hear it from anyone but you. Same way your soul lived inside Kenzie, his did as well. It’s the one thing that boy did right in the world,” Nannie said. “Maybe his family will help with the expenses.”

“What family? None of them made any effort to help with Kenzie when Cream got locked up three years ago. They barely came around when he was out. I can almost guarantee that the help I need won’t come from anyone on his side,” Alani said. “It’s on me.”

“We can reach out to the pastor down at the church. We will come up with the money, baby. I promise,” Nannie said. She stood, her old, rickety legs shaking under the weight of her roundness, as she hobbled over to the hall closet. She pulled out a white dress. “I made it for Kenzie to wear at her service.”

Alani’s eyes failed her, as tears flooded them. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

A horn blew outside, and Nannie said, “That’s Mr. Larry. I’m going on down to the church for choir rehearsal. When I see Pastor, I’ll talk to him about the church helping cover the funeral costs. God gon’ make a way.”