Her thoughts haunted her all the way to the funeral home. Even the sky seemed to be crying, as she stepped out into the rain, holding a copy of Essence magazine over her head to stop her fresh wrap from turning into a full-blown afro. By the time she made it inside, she was soaked. Her hair started to fight her fresh press, reverting to her natural curls, slightly. She huffed, as she took the hair tie she wore around her wrist and used it to pull her hair into a high ponytail. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror in the reception area. Her puffy eyes and red nose were evidence of the sleepless nights she had endured. She wore her melancholy all over her. Even her skin had lost its vibrant glow. Alani couldn’t even imagine ever feeling true happiness again. Not as a childless mother. How was she supposed to forget about the little girl that had grown in her womb? Surely, she couldn’t be expected to act as if she didn’t know what it felt like to have two heart beats at the same time. Alani felt like she had been given entrance into an exclusive club, only to, suddenly, be kicked out. Her motherhood had been stripped, violently, from her. Her legs weakened slightly, as she suddenly had the urge to run back out into the rain.

“Ma’am? Are you Ms. Hill?”

Alani turned to find that the voice belonged to a black woman with sympathetic eyes. Alani could tell that it was a look that she supplied out of habit. The woman was in the business of burying people, of preparing the final goodbyes of the dead. She had rehearsed that compassionate stare long and hard. Alani could see the contrived kindness was nothing more than a job requirement. It was as common as a uniform or an ID badge. Alani wanted to slap the false sadness from the woman’s face. She was so angry these days, angrier than she had ever been. She needed someone to blame. Without someone to take this hurt out on, it was eating her alive from the inside out.

“I’m here to begin arrangements for my daughter and brother,” she whispered. “They were brought here last night.”

“Of course, we’ve been expecting you. Did you bring the insurance information?” the woman asked.

Alani went into her bag and handed it over. “It’s not a lot. I have $10,000 on each of them…” she began to explain.

“Don’t worry. That’s plenty. We will work within your budget,” the woman explained. “Come into our showroom. I’ll introduce you to James. He will be your coordinator. I will go contact your insurance company, while he gets you started with arrangements.”