“Sleep won’t come, Nannie,” she whispered. “So, I might as well be doing something.” She scrubbed harder and harder, using so much elbow grease that she was breaking a sweat. “This blood just won’t come out!” she shouted. She bowed her head and sobbed, as she cried, “Why is this happening? God, my baby is gone. I told Lucas that all his bullshit was going to catch up to him. He was out here selling dope and throwing every dollar he made in the faces of every broke nigga in town. He was living foul, and it was only a matter of time before something went wrong. But that was his chance to take... it was his life. How did his karma come back on me? On Kenzie?” she wailed, confusion and grief caused her to double over. Her emotions were causing her physical pain. She could barely inhale, it hurt so badly. Alani just wanted to die because it would be much easier than being the only one left behind, mourning.

“It’s only by the grace of God that I didn’t get shot that night,” Nannie said, as she sat down on the floor in front of Alani and grabbed the brush from Alani’s hands. She began to scrub at the stained wood. “I know it hurts, baby, but I’m going to love on you, through the hurt. I’m right here with you. I’ve been with you since the day you were born; and as long as I live and breathe, you will always be okay. These are dark days, Alani, but there is always a light ahead. Keep your faith in God,” Nannie said.

“What kind of God allows a three-year-old girl to be murdered while she sleeps? Huh? That’s no God I trust. You may worship that type of God, but I won’t. I can’t,” Alani said, as she stood and stormed out the house, snatching her purse up on the way out. She paused, midway, as she descended the steps. Her aunt was the only person she had left. She had never raised her voice at her. Guilt caused her to backtrack her steps, as she went back inside.

“I’m sorry, Nannie,” Alani said, as she watched her aunt pick up the bucket and the brush from the floor.

“I know. It’s not all on you though, Alani. I loved them too. I feel it too. Ain’t no point in us feeling it alone. We need one another to get through this. I just want to be here for you, baby,” Nannie said.

Alani nodded, as she teared up. She hated the way her emotions came in waves. It was up then down. One minute, she was mentally coaching herself to find strength, and the next, she felt like the world had ended. She would never be able to make it through the planning of two funeral services.