When Christopher was old enough to be in school, Elinor began accepting private nursing jobs, but inevitably she would have to quit each one soon after because of Frederick’s reactions. Even though she chose shifts that were the least disruptive to her children’s schedules, Frederick acted as if his whole world were unraveling. Elinor finally gave up the idea of working while the children were young. She feared that if the time came when she had to work to support the family, her pattern of accepting employment and quitting would prevent her from being hired.8

Elinor also knew that her desire to work made Frederick feel like a failure, incapable of supporting his family, and that weighed on her. During the time they lived in Göttingen she had witnessed firsthand Frederick’s lifelong struggle with the rejection he felt from his father. Frederick was the center of her life, and she wanted to keep him happy. She knew she could make him happier by not working, so once again she decided to drop the idea of employment, this time for good.

Frederick excelled at school because he hoped a career in baking was his ticket to financial stability, but he neglected his family in the process by temporarily living out of state. The same intensity that his own father had for his engineering business, which kept him away from his family, influenced Frederick more than he would have liked to believe. And as with Karl Albert, there were other women in Frederick’s life. Chris, too young during this period to know, learned years later that this had been a difficult time in his parents’ marriage, either because of other women, long absences, or both.9

Elinor and Frederick’s marital problems manifested themselves mostly in silence, as evidenced by the fact that no one knew about any strife between them until years after the difficult moments had long passed. They dealt with weaknesses in their relationship similarly to the ways in which they responded to the pain of racism—with stoic calm.

There was no doubt that these two people still desperately loved each other, but figuring out how to establish themselves was difficult, particularly for Elinor. In so many of their living situations, she was isolated and the one who stayed at home by herself with the children.

Although periods of infidelity were woven throughout their marriage, it wasn’t clear if Elinor had proof Frederick was cheating on her. She never discussed it with anyone, not even when Chris and Stephen were adults, and she never disparaged Frederick. And although an adulterer, Frederick wasn’t cruel the way his father had been—he would never have thrown his infidelity in Elinor’s face. Unlike his own father in his relationship with Frederick’s mother, Frederick genuinely desired Elinor. But he undoubtedly led a duplicitous life.