His words didn’t compute right away. I’d heard them, but their meaning took longer to sink in.

Asher’s shoulders vibrated, and he rocked, gripping his hair again. I’d never seen him so distraught.

“Ash. Ash, look at me. Please.” I tried to force his head up. He fought to avoid it but gave in after he saw I wasn’t giving up.

“Do you hate me?” he sobbed. “There is something wrong with me, isn’t there?”

I needed clarification. Holding his face up so he couldn’t pull away, his cheeks damp under my palms, I looked at my brother the best I could in the dark.

“Last Thursday, the stuff that happened between us, it was on purpose? You didn’t get carried away? You wanted it?”

He nodded, more tears dripping onto my hands.

“You weren’t being Ender, were you? It was all you?”

Another nod. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He hiccupped and sniffled.

“The things you said?”

“I meant all of it. Every word.”

“Asher—”

“Please don’t hate me. Please. It won’t happen again. I promise. I’m the worst brother in the world. I’m so scared to touch you now because of the way it makes me feel. Please don’t hate me. I couldn’t bear it.”

I took his hands and brought them to my face, encouraging him to hold me back. They trembled, and he resisted.

“Touch me. I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.”

He pulled our foreheads together and cried, his whole body wracked with his sobs. “You are the only thing that matters in my life. Nothing else. If I fucked up—”

“Shh. You didn’t fuck up. Shut up.”

“Atti, I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that.”

“I-I think I’m bisexual. Or something. I don’t even know. I don’t know what’s happening. I’m so confused. I’ve never wanted to be with a guy before, and then we started fooling around for this gig, and it was like I couldn’t control my body or how it felt whenever I touched you. I just wanted more and more and more. I craved it. You. And I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t help myself. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Great, not only were we having a sexual identity crisis in a cold empty warehouse when we were supposed to be shooting a twincest thing, but we were becoming Ender and Elliot in the flesh too.

“Ash, listen to me.”

He was rejecting my efforts to calm him again, pushing me away, covering his face, and stifling more sobs. With more force than I’d dared use with him in the past, I pushed him back against the wall, jarring him hard enough he stopped fighting and paid attention. His wide wet eyes stared back, laced with so much pain and self-hatred.