I went back to the hotel and up to the room. I tried to think straight and couldn’t. I couldn’t seem to sit still, either. I kept moving from the bed to the chair and back again, wondering why I hadn’t given him a final no right away. Now I had the aggravation of getting through the hours until ten o’clock and then finding the resolve to turn down what he was offering.

Without thinking too much about what I was doing I put on my hat and coat and went around the corner to Armstrong’s. I walked in the door not knowing what I was going to order. I went up to the bar and Billie started shaking his head when he saw me coming. He said, “I can’t serve you, Matt. I’m sorry as hell.”

I felt the color mounting in my face. I was embarrassed and I was angry. I said, “What are you talking about? Do I look drunk to you?”

“No.”

“Then how the hell did I get to be eighty-six around here?”

His eyes avoided mine. “I don’t make the rules,” he said. “I’m not saying you’re not welcome here. Coffee or a Coke or a meal, hell, you’re a valued longtime customer. But I’m not allowed to sell you booze.”

“Who says?”

“The boss says. When you were in here the other night—”

Oh, God. I said, “I’m sorry about that, Billie. I’ll tell you the truth, I had a couple of bad nights. I didn’t even know I came in here.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Christ, I wanted to hide behind something. “Was I very bad, Billie? Did I make trouble?”

“Aw, shit,” he said. “You were drunk, you know? It happens, right? I used to have this Irish landlady, I came in bagged one night and apologized the next day, and she would say, ‘Jaysus, son, it could happen to a bishop.’ You didn’t make any trouble, Matt.”

“Then—”

“Look,” he said, and leaned forward. “I’ll just repeat what I was told. He told me, he said, if the guy wants to drink himself to death I can’t stop him, and if he wants to come in here he’s welcome, but I’m not selling him the booze. This isn’t me talking, Matt. I’m just saying what was said.”

“I understand.”

“If it was up to me—”

“I didn’t come in for a drink anyway,” I said. “I came in for coffee.”

“In that case—”

“In that case the hell with it,” I said. “In that case I think what I want is a drink and it shouldn’t be all that hard to find somebody willing to sell it to me.”

“Matt, don’t take it that way.”

“Don’t tell me how to take it,” I said. “Don’t give me that shit.”