I talked for a long time and I skipped all over the place, from the beginning to that night’s events and back and forth again. She got up now and then to get us more coffee, and when she came back I’d start in where I left off. Or I’d start somewhere else. It didn’t seem to matter.

I said, “I didn’t know what the hell to do with him. After I’d knocked him out, after I’d searched him. I couldn’t have him arrested and I couldn’t stand the thought of letting him go. I was going to shoot him but I couldn’t do it. I don’t know why. If I’d just smacked his head against the wall a couple more times it might have killed him, and I’ll tell you, I’d have been glad of it. But I couldn’t shoot him while he was lying there unconscious.”

“Of course not.”

“But I couldn’t leave him there, I didn’t want him walking the streets. He’d just get another gun and do it again. So I broke his legs. Eventually the bones’ll knit and he’ll be able to resume his career, but in the meantime he’s off the streets.” I shrugged. “It doesn’t make any sense. But I couldn’t think of anything else to do.”

“The important thing is you didn’t drink.”

“Is that the important thing?”

“I think so.”

“I almost drank. If I’d been in my own neighborhood, or if I hadn’t reached you. God knows I wanted to drink. I still want to drink.”

“But you’re not going to.”

“No.”

“Do you have a sponsor, Matthew?”

“No.”

“You should. It’s a big help.”

“How?”

“Well, a sponsor’s someone you can call anytime, someone you can tell anything to.”

“You have one?”

She nodded. “I called her after I spoke to you.”

“Why?”

“Because I was nervous. Because it calms me down to talk to her. Because I wanted to see what she would say.”

“What did she say?”

“That I shouldn’t have told you to come over.” She laughed. “Fortunately, you were already on your way.”

“What else did she say?”

The big gray eyes avoided mine. “That I shouldn’t sleep with you.”

“Why’d she say that?”

“Because it’s not a good idea to have relationships during the first year. And because it’s a terrible idea to get involved with anybody who’s newly sober.”

“Christ,” I said. “I came over because I was jumping out of my skin, not because I was horny.”

“I know that.”

“Do you do everything your sponsor says?”

“I try to.”

“Who is this woman that she’s the voice of God on earth?”

“Just a woman. She’s my age, actually she’s a year and a half younger. But she’s been sober almost six years.”