Follower Engagement: Medium to high. Conversations with followers contain high exclamation mark and emoji quotient.

Typical post A: Photo of a soaring mountain / tranquil lake / breathtaking sunset accompanied by an inspirational saying, such as ‘Make the rest of your life, the best of your life!’ / ‘Dreams don’t work unless you do!’ / ‘Change the world with a smile. Don’t let the world change your smile!’.

Typical post B: ‘This weekend I will be running a marathon / riding in a cyclathon / hosting a zumbathon / plummeting in a skydive-athon to raise money for Syrian refugees / Albanian orphans / Crofter Aid / The Society for the Preservation of Bees. To donate, visit my fundraising website . . .’

The more I read, the more I worry about the deleterious and corrupting effect that this man may have on my son’s life.

Sunday March 18th

Please Take These Words For I Need Them Not

Please take these words for I need them not,

these semantic props from another age.

Consider all that wasted time spent

in their pursuit, that groping for a phrase

that is never quite right. Five hours to get:

You sweep the clouds behind the moon

to let the stars dance upon the night

and make the darkness spark itself to light.

What rot. All that effort squandered

when other things pile up: Facebook news,

the laundry basket, the washing up.

How better to have used:

Damn these drab dictionary words,

occupants of my ossified brain.

They make me irascible and querulous.

How much easier to be

No longer shall I be in a brown study,

all tenebrous and Stygian,

not now I can express myself

in fluent Emojian

So take these words for I need them not,

I shall replace them with little pics.

Because now I can simply be

not refulgent with lachrymary bliss.

I called Sophie about Stuart. It didn’t go well.

She seemed upset that I might dare to question his credentials. She hadn’t even bothered to look at the email I’d sent her last night with links to a selection of his social media posts and other crimes.

‘Just take a look at them,’ I implored. ‘One is a photo of an eagle flying over a mountain top.’

‘And what if it is?’ she responded, angrily. ‘He’s only trying to be positive and encourage people to make the most of themselves.’ I held the phone away from my ear. ‘What’s so bad about that?’

‘But it says “DARE TO SOAR!!!”,’ I told her, conclusively.

‘You just don’t get it, do you, Brian? It’s not about what Stuart says or what he writes. It’s about what he does. He’s out there – in the world. Trying to make a difference. Helping people. Mending lives. Bringing warmth. Compassion. He’s not sat at home, re-ordering his book collection, waiting for life to come to him.’

‘It contains three exclamation marks,’ I replied dully.

Sophie sighed. ‘He makes me happy.’