I suppose I should start tweeting again but that doesn’t usually end well for anyone.

Wednesday March 14th

Liz retweeted my poem! Twitter told me that today is Pi Day and to commemorate the event, I posted up a poem. I’d called it ‘π in the sky’:

He’d think about her constantly

– well, 22/7 –

never completing.

He even stopped eating.

Then, one day – at 3.14 –

a chance meeting.

But, sadly,

not repeating.

It received 3.14159265358979323846264 retweets, or thereabouts, including one – did I mention this before? – from Liz!

To show tacit acknowledgement and gratitude, I reciprocated by liking her retweet of an article which contained ‘8 Odd Facts about Pi’. One of those was that pi is both irrational and transcendental. Like love, I thought. Or a fondness for custard creams.

Thursday March 15th

Liz has liked another of my poems on Twitter! I posted up a poem about hurting my back on an item of children’s play equipment. It was titled ‘Beware the slides of March’. Within minutes the little Twitter heart symbol lit up – and it was her!

Later, I thought about how she’d ‘retweeted’ my poem yesterday but had only ‘liked’ today’s one. Is this a sign that she’s going off me? Has my allure peaked already? I should try not to read too much into all this.

To calm myself down, I went to bed early, determined to get stuck into some Proust. Having successfully got a couple of paragraphs under my belt, I found my eyes closing so quickly that I barely had time to tell myself that I was falling asleep.

Friday March 16th

I had a terrible dream last night. Janice and the rest of my work colleagues stepped forward one by one and stabbed me in the back with letter openers. Another figure emerged slowly from the shadows. ‘Et tu, Tomas?’ I whispered hoarsely before he squirted me in the eyes with his Windolene trigger spray and I woke up with a strangled cry.

I looked it up in my Dream Dictionary but the book contained no references to Windolene specifically – only generic, non-branded window cleaning sprays – so I am none the wiser as to what it all means.

Saturday March 17th

Walking back from a hard-fought 5–3 victory (‘there is no elevator to success, sometimes you just have to take the stairs’), I asked Dylan how he felt about Stuart moving in with them.

‘OK, I suppose,’ he said. ‘He makes Mum happy. But he can be a bit of an idiot.’ I ordered in pizza for lunch to celebrate.

After Dylan had left, I got down to some research. A quick review of social media and I was able to compile the following:

Name: Stuart Mould.

Digital footprint: Size Twelve (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn accounts).

Number of followers: 124,516

Number of accounts followed: 124,516

Profile Description: Life Coach. Dream Architect. Mojo Motivator. Inner Peace Keyholder. Making a difference through one little act of kindness at a time.