At least I think I do.

“No more fighting, Nolan,” he says with a heavy sigh as he places his hands on the desk and leans back to stare at me.

“Yes, sir,” I answer. I haven’t been to Vic’s since last week, and I don’t have plans to go back. In my head, quitting fighting is enough. Shelby told me to stop fighting my way through life, so I figure that’s what I’m doing, but by the way the chief is staring at me, like there’s a lot more he’s about to say, I get the feeling that just giving up fighting won’t be enough. Not for him, and not for her.

“I should apologize, son,” he says, and my eyebrows furrow. Apologize for what?

But before I have to ask, he continues. “I’m putting you on administrative leave for thirty days.”

My skin starts to grow hot, tingling from the crown of my head and down. He can’t be serious.

“Sir.”

He puts up a hand. “And mandatory anger management counseling.”

That’s when the anger changes to shame. I’ve been out of control for too long. I let it get out of hand. If I had just kept things quiet, this wouldn’t have happened. I can’t go to counseling. They’ll see my record. They’ll want me to open up a lot of shit that should not be opened.

“I can’t do that, sir.”

“I had a feeling you’d say that. Listen, Rafe.” He leans forward, and I know by the way he uses my first name that he’s about to say something personal and probably pretty fucking uncomfortable. “You think I haven’t seen your file? Of course, I have. But son, this isn’t a punishment.”

“I’ll never get off admin leave. You know that.”

“No, I don’t. I know that I let it slide for too long. I wasn’t doing you any favors by letting you struggle out there when I had the resources to help you.”

My hands are starting to shake, so I clench them together. “I have work to do, sir. I’m in the middle of an investigation.”

“The kid gave us the names we needed, Rafe. The DA cut him a deal. His charges have been reduced and all he had to do was give us a couple names. The DEA took over the case, and they’ve already made the bust in Newport. The case is closed, Rafe.”

My mind takes a moment too long to process this information. Mateo came down to the station? Why didn’t I know about this?

“His charges have been reduced?” I ask. For some reason, it’s all I need to know.

“Misdemeanor. They offered the family protection, to move off Wickett, but they declined it. Said they feel safe here.”

My head drops to my hands. Why would they do that? Why wouldn’t they just take the protection?

“I wouldn’t worry too much. The operation, according to the DEA, was amateur. More than anything, they just wanted to scare the kid, but he’s fine.”