“Hey, Mr. Hawthorne isn’t around is he?” I ask, peeking into the store. His aunt waves hesitantly at me.

“Nah,” Mateo answers. “He only comes by at the end of the day to close, but then he has to rush to his second job.”

My spine snaps straight. “What second job?”

“I don’t know,” Mateo answers with a shrug. “He just rushes off every night, always looking at his watch.”

“Really,” I reply, less of a question and more of a statement. “Alright, I gotta run,” I say as I turn toward the bike. The kid looks confused as he watches me leave.

“Hey, if you keep up your grades maybe I’ll show you how to ride this thing.”

His eyes light up like it’s Christmas morning.

“Don’t play with me, officer,” he grins, pointing at me.

“I’m serious. You don’t get in trouble and get all As by the end of the semester, it’s a deal.”

“A’s and B’s,” he shouts as the engine roars.

“All A’s.”

He puts his hands on the top of his head with a laugh and turns back to his work. As I start to pull out of my spot, I start to hope that he’s not as smart in school as his teachers made him sound.

Seeing Mateo today puts me in a good mood. He makes me laugh, and after the heavy-as-fuck night I had, I needed that. Not to mention, I have something new to look into: this secret job of Ezra’s.

When I get in my apartment, I open the windows, flooding the space with light, and I walk out onto the patio, the sound of the ocean waves soothing my restless mind. Quickly, I sneak a glance at her patio, but it’s empty.

When I walk back inside, I spot the black rope sitting on the floor. Maybe it’s my sudden chipper mood, but I’m starting to think I was too harsh last night. She was just trying to help—by letting me tie her up no less, and I was a dickhead about it.

What if I had gone through with it? I’m not saying it would fix me, but how much worse could things get? Even if I just do what I did to her on the couch again, at least I would know I tried.

At least she’d be getting something out of it before I start hounding her about Ezra’s new side hustle.

Jesus, Rafe.

I let my head fall hard against the glass of the patio door. As if I needed anymore proof that I am not cut from the same cloth as Logan and Murph. They’ve settled easily into the boyfriend life, committing to their women without a problem, and I’m over here forcing myself to hate Shelby because I can’t risk feeling the opposite.

I wrote off the possibility of being intimate with a woman years ago. Once I realized that what those fucking monsters did to me screwed me up so bad that I would never be normal, I gave up on normal. I gave up on the idea of ever having a girlfriend, getting married, having children. I convinced myself that I could live my life devoted to my job, keeping Wicked safe. That could be enough for me, and considering I could be much worse off if I hadn’t been removed from that home when I was, I see this life as a blessing.