I start to feel a little teary, and my voice wobbles. “In conclusion, I don’t have a philosophy. I also don’t have a college essay. I’m sorry, Evelyn. And I hope you all have fun in Nicaragua without me. What I do have is this moment in time where I ranted at you guys about two assignments I basically didn’t do.”

Abigail’s looking at me like I’m living her nightmare, but it’s the opposite for me. “The crazy thing is, I feel like for the first time in the history of school, I learned something.”

“Woo!” Brendan yells from the back. My face gets hot as pizza sauce.

“Camus sucks. Evelyn, you’re dope, and you guys,” I say, looking at the clock and the fifteen seconds remaining in this era of our life, “we fucking did it.”

20

Days ’til graduation: Still 4

THE SUN REFUSES TO GIVE ITSELF TO ANYONE ELSE. AT 2:05 IT shines strictly for us as we count down the seconds ’til the last bell, then burst out of the school and into the parking lot.

“Hell-freaking-yeah!” Abigail yells in my ear, the warm air filling us up as the sounds of people cheering mingle with the sounds of cars blasting music. Everyone’s mood is overflowing, and I’m standing in the middle of it, taking notes.

When Hilary comes over to us, we get into Abigail’s car and blast the music like everyone else. We don’t drive anywhere. We just occupy the parking lot once and for all. They commandeer the playlist and I commandeer the back seat, head leaning against the open window. No matter how tightly I grip the seat, I keep drifting farther and farther from everyone else in this world, and what alcohol they’re getting for the after-prom party, and whose house everyone’s meeting at to take group pictures before all the other group pictures at actual prom. Everyone has a date and a plan and a purpose. They have a place in this world, whereas I suspect I’ve left the world entirely. The next time a satellite goes by, I will take a selfie and caption it Girl in her own outer space waves to something far, far away.

“Hey, guys!” I yell to Abigail and Hilary. “Turn down the music for a sec!”

“Ugh, no fun, Cham,” Abigail says, but pauses it.

“I gotta go,” I tell them, leaning forward and peeling my thighs from the seat.

“What? Why?” Abigail asks. They turn around and look at me. Travis raps on the roof of Abigail’s car and she cheers.

“I have so much to do before prom,” I say, “like coax some lost soul into being my date.” I hop out of the car.

“But you can do that with us at Abigail’s,” Hilary offers.

I shake my head. “It’s way too many things, and it’ll be easier if I’m home. I’ll text you guys later, okay?”

“Okay,” Abigail says with a little bit of concern in her voice.

“It’s gonna be fine! Just gotta hammer out all the prom details: date, dress, et cetera.” I wave to them through the windshield and pull my skirt down. “Talk to you soon.”