“I found it uninspiring,” Josie says. “Caligula thinks he’s had this big aha! moment when his sister dies and he realizes”—she flips to a page in her book—“‘men die and they are not happy,’ but that’s not really groundbreaking. He just sounds mega-depressed.”

“Yeah,” Jared says. “Maybe if he got some therapy, he wouldn’t kill everyone just because life is ‘meaningless.’”

Abigail puts her hand up as soon as Jared finishes talking. “Caligula was whiny. I liked the guy Sisyphus who just kept pushing that boulder up that hill. He accepted the absurdity of his situation, whereas Caligula destroyed everything to try to reach something beyond this world.…” She flips to a page in her book with a large green sticky note. “Symbolized by the moon, I guess?”

In my head, I replace the words on the chalkboard with our current situation: High school as it is, is unbearable. I must have the moon or happiness or something.…

The discussion keeps going and going. Meanwhile, real life is going on out there in the real world, beyond our theories. My dad is at home, probably with an aide right now, finishing lunch or watching the afternoon news, while his brain gets destroyed in ways even science doesn’t understand.

“Cham?” Evelyn says. I look up abruptly.

“Good day,” I say. A few people laugh.

“What are your thoughts on Caligula?”

I stare at the board and the notes Evelyn has put up there. There’s enough stuff for me to put an answer together, but I just don’t have it in me.

“I’m sorry, but this all just seems so pointless to me,” I say, tracing the initials carved into my desk. “Caligula would probably agree that high school is meaningless and we all graduate and we are not happy.” I clear my throat. “I mean, we might be happy for like a day, but then everyone’s running around doing stuff for college and hauling ass over grades and scholarships. We’re all looking for a… moon,” I go on, which is quite genius, if I do say so myself. “We want something out of this world—but the closest star we land on is college… and I think that sounds really expensive.”

Somebody stifles a laugh. It’s important not to look up at a time like this. “Like my old friend Caligula, I just want something outside all of this.” Yup, I realize as I catch the horrified look Abigail is giving me. I want the fucking moon.

“Interesting point, Cham,” Evelyn says. “Have you given any thought to what there is outside the world of high school and college? And if so, what are you going to do there?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, there actually is a world outside high school. You potentially have a moon,” she says. “So what are you going to do about it?”

“Um…” The only sound is the rain hitting the window. “Become an astronaut?”

The whole class laughs, and Evelyn shakes her head, but even she is smiling.