Miguel tossed it to the side and then smiled—a big, beautiful thing—before saying clearly, “Bad Santa. Go.”

The command wasn’t for the fat man but a dog. who obeyed. The hound came off that bed without a sound and its mouth open wide.

“Don’t you dare. Call it off. That’s it, you’re on the naughty list forever!” Santa went hustling for the air duct he must have popped out of. Lost the ass of his pants during his escape.

But who cared about the fact they’d never leave cookies for the fat bastard again.

Shock had her jaw hanging open as Miguel spoke again. “Good girl.”

Girl?

Duke leaned close and whispered, “Did I mention the fact the dogs will adopt the gender of whatever their master will respond to best.”

“No, you forgot that part,” she muttered as she approached her son, trying to not be too giddy at the fact he’d spoken.

Miguel hugged his dog and rubbed his face in her fur before saying, “Spot.” The most perfect name ever for the solid-colored Hellhound.

“Merry Xmas, Miguel.” Because it might be early, but the big day had come.

As expected, he loved the bike and the set of mini dinosaurs the devil sent over. Merry got a pendant and a gruff, “It says you’re the Kennel Mistress.”

Which was kind of like a proposal and almost the best gift she got that day.

The very best thing happened when Miguel flung his arms around her and said, “Love you, Mama.”

Duke hugged Merry close as she sobbed happily. “Thank you, Satan, for this Xmas miracle.”

Epilogue

Christmas morning passed in a blur as Lucifer sat on the couch beside his wench. The children were playing with the boxes discarded throughout his kingdom, because they already had every toy in existence.

Lucifer had an inter-world videoconference coming up shortly with his children. Muriel mostly, since Bambi had been distant of late. He’d even invited his short-lived son, Chris. After all, the boy was still a relation.

It was a good day. He basked in the greed. The turkey dinner family fights. The way he’d foiled his cousin.

And he mulled his plan to ensure Nick never forgot it.

His notebook sat in his lap. He’d had it for a long time, and it contained random musings from the times he felt contemplative. Artistic.

Gaia patted his leg. “I haven’t given you your gift yet.”

“Will I blow harder than that volcano in the Atlantic?”

“Later, yes. But right now, I am going to give you the ultimate gift.” She leaned close and whispered, “You were right. You knew exactly what Merry needed.”

Hell yeah, he did, because the Dark Lord was the most awesome. The smartest. And best dressed.

He kicked off his slippers and shoved his feet into his wife’s lap. He should mention they were huge, just like other parts of him.