True, but on the flip side, those who died? Shit parents. What Gaia didn’t know was he ensured the orphans were adopted by well-off families with dubious morals. All three of them ended up very successful and big fans of the Lord of Hell. His popularity rating on the social hell channels was going up. Especially since he’d rid himself of a media rival. Black holes could be wonderful things.

“Calm your panties, or better yet, drop them and go commando. Weren’t you listening when I read the letter? Merry is not asking for a toy. She said, ‘help me.’”

“Help her by helping her son.”

“Bah. That’s your interpretation,” he scoffed.

“For a smart devil, you are sometimes woefully stupid,” she muttered.

“Would you like to wager, wench of mine?” Lucifer asked with a slow smile. “I swear that I will give Merry and her son exactly what they need. If Merry thanks me for my intervention and hands me her soul voluntarily, you will spend one week bowing to my greatness and massaging my feet.”

Gaia’s brow arched. “I bow to no one.”

“I see, you’re afraid of losing. Nice, if a bit gag worthy, of you to admit you’re wrong.”

“I’m not wrong. You are going to muck up this woman’s life. No way she agrees to give you her soul.”

“If you’re that confidant, then what’s the harm in betting?”

Gaia pursed her lips. “Fine. But if you lose, you’ll be on diaper duty for a week. No help. At all.”

“A week?” He gulped. His children were toxic. Why, just last week Jujube had a shit that melted all the hairs on his body, and he’d been three rooms away!

“Well? Is it a deal, or are you afraid you’ll lose?” She knew how to tease him so well.

“Fine,” he grumbled, not worried at all. He was putting his best man on the job. One of the few he called friend.

A demon who had no problem saying, “Fuck off, I am not your errand boy,” when Lucifer made his demand.

But the devil had been bargaining his whole life. He could see inside of people, and demons, to find the one thing they really craved. A desire they didn’t even recognize sometimes. In the end, Lucifer got what he wanted, and his friend got a seemingly good deal.

Gaia remained unimpressed. “I can’t believe Marduke agreed to your terms.”

“Always know the weaknesses of others to achieve your end goal.” Sage words for his listening son.

“I’m not sure I see how your plan is supposed to work.”

“That’s the beauty of it. It’s subtle.”

Gaia snorted. “Not really. You’ve been watching the Hellmark Channel again with all its romantically demonic holiday movies.”

“Have not.” A hot denial. Also a lie.