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Back Darkest Truth
Chapters (54)
  1. COVER
  2. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  3. DEDICATION
  4. PROLOGUE
  5. 1
  6. 2
  7. 3
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. 8
  13. 9
  14. 10
  15. 11
  16. 12
  17. 13
  18. 14
  19. 15
  20. 16
  21. 17
  22. 18
  23. 19
  24. 20
  25. 21
  26. 22
  27. 23
  28. 24
  29. 25
  30. 26
  31. 27
  32. 28
  33. 29
  34. 30
  35. 31
  36. 32
  37. 33
  38. 34
  39. 35
  40. 36
  41. 37
  42. 38
  43. 39
  44. 40
  45. 41
  46. 42
  47. 43
  48. 44
  49. 45
  50. 46
  51. 47
  52. 48
  53. EPILOGUE
  54. Acknowledgements

‘All I ever wanted was to warn others about Jeremy Gill. To make sure that he wouldn’t hurt another girl, like he did Deirdre. I blame myself, you know. Right back at the very beginning, if I’d listened to Ann, maybe the two of us could have persuaded Deirdre to go and report what had happened. But I didn’t even try. I didn’t want her hurt any more. I thought we could mind her. I thought we could make her better. There was a time later, too, when she might have … It was only a few weeks before she died, she came to me and she talked around in circles but, as I look back on it, I think, no, I know that’s what she was saying, that she wanted to go to the guards then. If I’d been brave enough, I could have helped her. And she might still be alive. You could have met your sister. And we would still have our daughter. I didn’t want her to go through the pain and the public shame of a trial after so many years had gone by. But I was wrong, so wrong.’

It fitted with what Deirdre’s psychiatric records had said – that she had been building towards naming her assailant and making a report. There had been no mention in the notes of a conversation with her father, though. Maybe it hadn’t been as important to her as it seemed to Sean in retrospect, but there was no way of knowing.

He started to cry, and I remembered the November night that we had met, and how he had wept on the street in front of my office. I looked at Ann. Her eyes were filled with tears. She shook her head. She knew about regret. I did too. I knew it didn’t help anyone and that it never went away.

‘You did your best, Sean,’ I said. ‘And at least Gill is a danger to nobody now. He’s on remand in Cloverhill. Assuming he’s convicted, he’s facing a mandatory life sentence. He’ll be inside for a long time.’

Ann took hold of my hand.

‘Don’t be a stranger, Finn,’ she said.

I walked in silence with the Carneys to the corner of South Main Street, the same street Sean and I had taken together that first night on the way to Forde’s pub. We stopped for a moment and both of them hugged me. Then we parted without a word. There was nothing left to say.

Legally, the case had ended successfully, but Deirdre was never coming home.

EPILOGUE

29th May 2014