It wasn’t until I went away to university that Auntie Choo Neo started to soften. She finally showed her love for me, shedding tears that I was leaving home. She cleaned my dorm room twice over and took me shopping for new outfits to wear during my first week at school. Then, as I was busy with my studies, Auntie Choo Neo stuffed my tiny beer fridge to the brim with my favourite dishes, including ayam masak oh soup and kyu niuk, braised pork belly with potatoes or taro. She would appear on a weekend to take me for a haircut and even try to have girl talk with me, asking if I had found a nice Chinese boy to marry. Appalled, I would stuff my face with the cuttlefish I loved to snack on.

Now Auntie Choo Neo deftly handwashed all the dishes the scones touched, even after I opened the dishwasher for her. As she wiped the counter, I said, “Auntie, of course you can be the baby’s po po. I’m so happy she will have one.”

“Good. Now, as Po Po, I must insist we set the date for the red egg and ginger party.” She pushed me towards the table again, sat down, and pulled out her phone.

“Auntie … Honestly, I don’t feel comfortable doing that,” I hesitated.

“Why?” Auntie exclaimed.

“I … um … I really …” I stammered.

“Spit it out!” she demanded.

“I don’t really feel like it’s something that’s part of me, something I fully understand, something that can be meaningful to me,” I tried to explain.

“It’s not about you. This is for this niao siao,” she said, squeezing the baby’s cheek.

“What about me?” I shot back. “I’m her mom. You and Dad had your turn. What if I want something different for my daughter? What if I think it will hold her back?”

Auntie Choo Neo said nothing. I was shocked she didn’t have an immediate comeback and watched warily as she refilled her teacup.

She took a deep breath and said steadily, “Sometimes you do things not for yourself but because you honour your elders, your traditions, and your ancestors. Just because your mother left, it doesn’t mean you have to abandon who you are.”

“You’re not making sense, Auntie. My feelings have nothing to do with my mother.”

“I am not blind, Lily.”

“It’s not about her,” I insisted. “I don’t want to pretend anymore, okay? I don’t need to perform just so we fit the stereotypes. And I don’t want my daughter to have to pretend just to make everyone around her feel comfortable. Why make things more complicated?”

“Pretend? We’re not doing this for anyone but our family. And if you don’t know what to do, so what? That’s what your family is here for, to help you. There is always something you will not know.”

“No offence, Auntie, but I don’t want to hand over the education of my daughter to anyone blindly, including my family.”