黄Yellow

A FEW DAYS AFTER WE RETURNED FROM ASIA, John mentioned that Auntie Choo Neo had texted him to casually ask how Leo was adjusting to the new time zone. “Have you talked to her?” he asked, looking concerned.

I sighed. The combination of the jet lag and the emotional anticipation of sharing Mother’s story with the rest of my family made me weary. I was tired of being angry. This was the woman who raised me, who witnessed my graduation, who saw me get married, and who welcomed Leo into the world as her own grandchild. It was time to let her back into my life.

I invited Auntie to visit Leo and me. When she arrived, she took my hand with regret seeping from her eyes. Her face lost colour, like she’d seen a ghost, when she noticed Mother’s bracelet on my wrist. I stood my ground, defiantly wearing the jade out in the open.

Auntie Choo Neo composed herself quickly and tried a tentative smile, sliding the bracelet up my forearm tenderly. I loosened my tight fist.

Father came to visit Leo soon after our return as well. While he held her, I gently handed him the news like fresh eggs. I told him about finding Alfred and the information he had revealed about Mother. I told him about my trip back home. I told him I found Mother. It was a heavy responsibility, and I wasn’t sure how Father would react. He must have wondered about Mother, despite any ill feelings he still had towards her. I hoped that hearing her story would bring him closure.

Father listened intently and offered no harsh words. He shed a few tears and embraced me, more to comfort me because it was a difficult retelling.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “Are you okay?”

“Lily, I’m okay.” He opened his mouth to say more, but I just said, “I know.”

We sat together for some time, with Leo.

When I told Bea Alfred’s story and my discovery of our mother’s death, she batted the news away with an indifference that shocked me.

“This affects you, Bea. Did you know she was Iban as well as Chinese? Aren’t you at all curious?”

“What part of ‘I don’t care’ don’t you understand? Listen, Lily. I get that you want to know, and that’s great for you, but I don’t want to be a part of anything she was a part of, okay? I’m forward-looking. I’m here for Leo. I’m going to focus on being the best aunt to her ever, okay?”

“Don’t you have any compassion for Mother? What she must have felt, suffered?”

“No, I don’t. She didn’t have any for us. I can’t believe you’ve forgotten how hard it was after she left.”

“I haven’t forgotten. I guess I’m just surprised. You’ve always been the one harping on about remembering where I come from and telling me to be proud of our heritage.”