When I was done, Auntie Choo Neo reached below her to get her bag. I was appalled. Was she simply finished listening to me and ready to move on to her magazines?

“You didn’t think I knew what was going on?” Auntie finally said.

“How did you know?”

“I know you better than you think. Why go to Brunei now? You’ve never shown an interest before. And why upset your Father by going? I knew it must be about your mother.”

“I didn’t think it was that obvious.”

“I also knew I couldn’t stop you.”

“I thought you would try. That’s why I didn’t say anything. You never liked Mother.”

“That’s not entirely true. Your mother and I had a complicated relationship. I never trusted her. I knew she was going to break your father’s heart one day.”

“You weren’t always fair to her.”

“Maybe. But in the end, I’ve done what no one else could have done for her. I raised her daughters.”

“Of course what you did was very generous. But maybe if you had been kinder, or more compassionate …”

“It wouldn’t have changed anything, Lily. You can’t blame me for this.”

“I didn’t mean to suggest …”

“Never mind. I know you didn’t …” Auntie stopped talking, tears forming in her eyes.

“Oh, Auntie! I’m sorry …” I squeezed her arm. “I know Bea and I didn’t make things easy for you.”

“Lily, I know it’s hard growing up without a mother. Just remember that I did not want to replace her. Raising her children was not something I planned or hoped to do.”

“Of course, Auntie. I never thought that you had gotten rid of her or anything like that.”

“I’ve only tried to do what is best for you and your sister.” She rummaged through her large purse and handed me a plastic sandwich bag with some papers inside.

“What’s this?”

“Letters from your mother.”

I stared at the bag of letters on my lap, and then turned to face Auntie Choo Neo. She couldn’t look at me. It was like a bright light was shining behind me, and she was shielding herself, casting her eyes downwards to avoid the glare of the spotlight, while the heat seared the back of my head, igniting the strands of my hair into an uncontrollable flame. I had to sit, for a significant number of hours, bound by the seat belt in the airplane, next to the person who had kept Mother from me. All this time, I had thought that Mother had deliberately cut us out of her life, chosen to avoid us, ignore us, forget us. I tried to take a few breaths, reeling from the revelation my auntie had coughed up.

I asked John to switch seats with me, and for a few hours, I had fitful dreams in an unsettling sleep that brought aches to my head and neck. When I couldn’t close my eyes any longer, I asked John to switch seats with me again and prodded Auntie Choo Neo to remove her headphones. I wanted to throw the aches in my head back at her.