I was also frustrated that another avenue of information was now gone. Mother’s aunt who owned the kopitiam, the only other person Alfred told me she had seen when she came home, had died years before I had known she had a role in Mother’s story. I learned of her death when Father received a call late one night while I was a teenager. He was startled to hear a voice from Brunei. Auntie Ah Lian delivered the news that her aunt had passed away, thinking that she should let Father know in case he knew where Mother was. It was a short, awkward conversation in Hokkien. For me at the time, it solidified the notion that nobody knew where Mother was, including those in Brunei.

I looked at Winston, unsure whether to trust him. It wasn’t as if Winston was unfamiliar with Mother. In fact, she had watched over Winston during his early years when Auntie Choo Neo was helping with the family business. He must have sensed my trepidation because he began to speak fondly of Mother, telling me stories about how she taught him to play tennis and took him to the movies.

“This is so frustrating,” I complained. “Has no one heard from her? How can that be? Someone must know something.”

“Truthfully, Lily? No one has heard from your mother in years. I think she did go see Ah Lian at some point, but it was a short visit that ended badly, from what I heard. I don’t know what happened between them.”

I was grateful for Winston’s openness and willingness to talk about Mother, but the fact that he had not heard about her in years deflated me.

“Did you see my mother when she was in Brunei?”

“No. She avoided this side of the family. I was also younger at the time and wasn’t involved with trying to find her or talk to her. I know Uncle Ah Meng tried to find her. Your father was frustrated that his older brother didn’t try hard enough, but Uncle Ah Meng insisted he tried many times to find Auntie Swee Hua. I believe him. We only learned she was at Auntie Ah Lian’s after she was long gone.”

I was surprised by all the drama that had unfolded in my family. I still didn’t understand what was so alluring here for Mother, especially when her own children were waiting for her in Canada. I tried to make sense of what Mother gave up to come back to this place. Winston saw my confusion and put an arm around my shoulders.

“So nobody knows where my mother is? Have you heard anything from anyone else?” I tried one last time.

“This place loves gossip. If she was around, we would hear about it. Honestly, Lily, I wish I had something more to tell you. It’s like your mother walked off the face of the earth.”

龍Dragon

DURING OUR WEEK IN BRUNEI, Winston took us to Kampong Ayer, where Father grew up. I immediately recognized the houses on stilts, the green-and-gold-topped minaret in the distance, and the wooden water taxis whizzing by. Standing on the dock, I felt like the photographs from my childhood had suddenly come to life.