“I knew as a child she didn’t always get along with Auntie Ah Lian. What happened to her?” I prodded Alfred.

“Your mother left Brunei. In her last letter to me, she said she was working in another kopitiam in Ipoh. I wrote her back several times, but my letters went unanswered.”

Never in my wildest dreams did I think Mother would go to another foreign country to try again to plant seeds, something Father was trying to do for us here in Canada. It stung to hear that Alfred knew more about Mother’s whereabouts than anyone in my family. Why did she cut us off? Why didn’t she reach out to us?

Alfred wrote down the name of the kopitiam in Ipoh on my napkin and said, “I’m sorry I don’t know more.”

方Square

I GAME HOME FROM MY LUNCH with Alfred exhausted and spent. I threw my briefcase into my office and draped my garment bag containing my robes over my chair. John and Leo were napping, and I was glad that I didn’t have to engage in conversation.

I went to the kitchen to fix myself a cup of tea. Furious, I wanted to throw the mug in my hand against the wall but thought better of it. A sleeping baby was not something you wanted to mess with. I gave up on the tea.

John found me splayed on the couch in my hoodie and jogging pants, crying.

“Oh no … Bad day in court?” he asked. “Bad news for your client?”

I leaned towards the coffee table and grabbed a few tissues to dab my eyes and wipe my nose. “No, I had a great day in court. I just had an unexpected visitor.”

John sat down on the couch with me, and I told him about my encounter with Alfred and the news of my mother. He listened in disbelief, rubbing my ankle.

“I just don’t understand why she went there!” I blubbered. “I mean, I know she was born in Malaysia, but she never lived there. She had no ties, no links, nothing!”

“Lily, some things aren’t black and white. They can’t be neatly packaged within borders,” John said calmly. “Obviously, your mother must have felt she had a tie there.”

“How can you say that?” I was incensed. “She had spent the last decade of her life here in Canada. She has a family here, children. Aren’t those ties important?”

“You can’t speak for her,” John said.

“Why? Why are you defending her?” I exclaimed.

“I’m not. I know she’s done the unforgiveable to you and Bea. I don’t know if I could forgive someone for doing that.”

I nodded and pulled on the drawstring of my hoodie.

John continued. “I’m not saying she was right, but there might be something you aren’t seeing or understanding. Would you judge me if I flew to Ukraine tomorrow to join the thousands demonstrating against the government to try to save an independent Ukraine from being swallowed up by Russia?” John asked.