“You had bliss. And this is what happens when it’s handled correctly. You came.” He winked at me.

I started laughing. Laughing so hard. I was naked and laughing and Austin joined in.

“Oh my God, what?” He cuddled me to his chest.

It took me a minute to speak. “I didn’t know any of it did that.” I pointed between my legs.

“Women should have access to a handbook. You deal with so much because of the baby-making side of things, getting to the pleasure part should be easier.” Austin locked his fingers with mine.

I felt a surge of love for him. Maybe it was post-orgasm endorphins, but I felt closer to him than I ever had with anyone right this second.

“I’ve wanted you for so many years. You were my first crush. Honestly, the only crush that mattered. I’m pretty sure you just taught my vagina to write your name in cursive.”

He burst out laughing then retorted, “By the end of the weekend she’ll be writing it in calligraphy.”

I touched his cheek and turned toward him on my side, feeling the wetness again. “I need to clean this up.”

“Give it a second, kitten. I want to hear what you have to say. And I made you make a mess, I’ll help you clean.” He turned on his side as well, a touch more somber.

Looking in his eyes forced my smile. “Was that okay for you? I mean, I know that you've been with models and stuff.”

“That was incredible for me, but again, more importantly, you learned what you need to expect from a lover.” He ran his other hand from my ribcage to my hip.

I felt my throat close. He was talking like this was just a stopover in our lifetime. An experience gainer. Not a step in a relationship. That I'd have more lovers in my life.

I closed my eyes to try to stop the fear from reflecting there. “Yeah. Sure.”

“Hey. Hey, I’m sorry. Was that crass? To talk of the future like that?”

I felt his hand go from my hip to my cheek.

“It’s okay. It’s totally fine.” I opened my eyes and shook my head briskly, pushing the rush of emotions I had for him aside as best as I could.

“Say the next thing.” He tipped his head so we touched our foreheads.

“What?” I was getting desperate to put some panties on. Put some distance between us.

“After you said, ‘It’s totally fine,’ there was something else. Because I’ve said that exact line before. And there was a quiet part in my mind as well.” He narrowed his eyes.

In the past, I'd have pushed through the feelings. Made myself feel something else besides the disappointment.